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She meets my gaze, eyes glassy. “And if it’s not? There are so many complications to this surgery.”
“You’re with the best surgeons in the country.” I give her hand a gentle squeeze, wishing I could squeeze the fear right out of her. “And if you come out of this without remembering a thing, I’ll remind you of it all.”
“Maybe it’s better if I don’t remember.” Her voice wavers. “Maybe it’ll be a blessing to forget it all.”
“You don’t mean that,” I say softly, at the thought of her not knowing me, or loving me.
Her lips twitch in a sad imitation of a smile. “Let’s hope for the best.”
As they wheel her, I begin to follow. Jude grabs my arm. “Where are you going? Let’s go to the private waiting room.”
I pull free. “I’m watching from the observation deck. Got permission from my residency director since this is a teaching hospital.”
Jude’s brows pinch together. “You sure that’s a good idea?”
I turn on my heel, pushing through the doors. “Better than waiting out here.”
His footsteps resonate behind me as we make our way up the metal staircase leading to the observation deck—my pulse thrums in my ears, drowning out the squeak of Jude’s shoes on the steps.
I settle into one of the chairs lining the observation window, my knees bouncing with nervous energy. Jude lowers himself into the seat beside me.
Below us, Ameline lies motionless on the operating table, her hair tucked under a surgical cap. The doctors and nurses hover over her, scalpels and retractors glinting under the bright lights.
My stomach lurches as the neurosurgeon’s blade slices into her skin, blood welling around the incision. I grip Jude’s arm, bile rising in my throat.
He doesn’t pull away, his own face drained of color. “Breathe, man,” he murmurs.
I suck in a ragged breath, unable to tear my eyes away as they saw open her skull. One slip of the hand and everything that makes Ameline who she is could be lost forever.
Jude’s fingers wrap around mine. “We should wait outside.”
Swallowing hard, I shake my head. There’s no place I would rather be. Ameline needs me here, with her. I force myself to study the monitors, tracking her vitals and watching for any sign of trouble.
As long as her heart keeps beating, there’s hope. She just has to make it through this surgery. Then I’ll be there when she wakes, ready to remind her of everything she means to me.
But right now, Ameline looks small and fragile. The fears begin to cripple me though. What if she doesn’t wake up the same? What if I’ve lost the chance to make new memories together? What if . . .?
My breath catches as the heart monitor emits a shrill tone. “What’s happening?” I demand, pressing my face against the glass.
The surgeons exchange words I can’t make out. One shakes their head, features grim.
“No!” I pound my fist on the window. “Ameline, baby don’t leave.”
Jude grabs my shoulders. “Getting yourself kicked out won’t help.”
I shove his hands away, panic rising. The heart monitor flatlines. Time seems to slow, the electronic tone deafening in the silence.
“No,” I whisper, sinking to my knees. “Please, no.”
Jude crouches beside me. “Gabe . . . what can I do for you?”
I bury my head in my hands, refusing to accept it.”Ame, don’t leave me.”
She can’t be gone.
She can’t be gone.
A sob rips from my chest. I’ve lost her. My world is shattered.
What happened to forever?
Forever is just a fucking lie.
* * *
