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As much as I’d like the two of us to become good friends, I’m also wary of that. After what happened with Xavier… There’s a void in me that I’m not sure can be filled. I’m not even sure I want to fill it. I think I have to leave that space for Xavier, even if it means that emptiness never goes away. But if I get too close to Liam, or anyone, I wonder if that might take over the space reserved for the person I expected to be my best friend for life.
I feel constantly torn between missing what it’s like to have a best friend and worrying that it’d be a betrayal to have that with anyone other than Xavier. So, while part of me wants to have that again, I’m trying to find the balance between making new friends that aren’t best friends.
“No idea.” Liam drops his pencil on the desk and leans back to stretch. “Maybe I’ll go for a hike or something. There’s supposed to be some good trails around.”
“Are they on the bus line?”
“I’ve got a car, remember?” He gives me a look that says ‘did you get hit in the head today?’
“Yeah, but I thought you had to park it way across campus and there’s a bus stop two blocks away.”
“A cross-campus walk is infinitely better than riding the bus.” He rolls his eyes at me. “Unlike someone I know, my legs aren’t always tired from practice.”
“I earned those tired legs. What’s your excuse for being hungry all the time?” I groan as his stomach rumbles loud enough to shake the room. “Seriously, I’m a little afraid of how often we’ll have to feed you when you start your own practices. Let’s go before you bring the whole building down.”
Eating together at the dining hall has become our nightly routine, and while I miss the camaraderie of eating with my teammates the way we did over the summer, eating with just Liam gives me time to unwind. Plus, I think he talks more when it’s just the two of us.
“Don’t you get tired of eating the same thing all the time?” Liam points a fry at my grilled chicken before dipping it in ketchup and chomping on it.
“You eat a burger almost as much as I eat grilled chicken.” I take a bite of my admittedly plain dinner.
“Yeah, but burgers have flavor.” He punctuates that statement with an enormous bite, and a satisfied moan that almost resembles what I hear on the other side of the bathroom door each night. It makes my own stomach flutter, or object to the food I’m putting in it.
“Delicious.” Liam mmms again, and I have to shake off the image of him salivating over a burger in the shower. Obviously, that’s not what he’s doing in there, but the thought makes me chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Nothing. Just thinking about how the roles will be reversed when lacrosse is in season. I’ll be the one enjoying my dinner while you’re sticking to your game diet.”
“That’s the beauty of club sports.” He pops another fry in his mouth. “No such thing as game diets. Just think, if you’re one of the guys who goes pro, this is what you’ll be eating for the next ten to fifteen years.” He punctuates that thought with a wry smirk, which makes me grin in return.
He doesn’t know it, but ever since that first night when I ironically dubbed him Sunshine, I’ve been trying to get him to smile more. I can’t lay it on too thick or he’ll catch on, but when I can I throw in comments that are just goofy enough to give him pause, like taking the bus when he has a car, or having a game diet when I know he won’t need one for club sports. It’s slow going, but I’m wearing him down.
“There are worse things than a healthy diet. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer.” I’d swear Liam flinches at my examples, but it’s gone so fast I start to wonder if I imagined it, so I finish my thought. “I can avoid all that by eating healthy.”
“You can reduce your risk, yeah, but diet isn’t foolproof.”
“Shouldn’t a future doctor be preaching about the benefits of healthy eating?” I spear a piece of broccoli and paste a smile on my face as I chew on it.
"Everything in moderation is a better motto.” He takes another bite and hums spitefully, “Mmm.”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes to keep myself from gloating. “So, why medicine?”
“Hmm?” Liam arches one brow independently of the other, a gesture I find fascinating since I can’t do it myself.
“Why do you want to work in medicine?” I repeat. “Family business?”
Though it’s subtle, I can see Liam’s posture get a little more rigid, almost like he’s putting up a force field. I don’t follow why that is–I can’t imagine why a question about careers would be crossing a line–yet I get the distinct feeling I’ll have to tread carefully going through the door I just opened.
“Why do you assume it’s a family business?”
I take a minute to think of the nicest way to answer. “You don’t really strike me as a people person, and I think you have to be to deal with patients. No offense.”
“I people with you just fine.”
“You do.” I agree. “But you sort of have to since we share a room. With others you seem a little guarded.”
“And you know this because we hang out with other people so often.” He snorts and takes another bite of his dinner.
