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Mazabuta looks over narrowing his eyes.
“Why?”
I purse my lips uncomfortable with the truth but not having a lie to give.
Because I am in love with the human. I cannot stand the idea of the Shaman ending this world before I have a chance to explore these feelings. Before I know if she feels the same. If this is more than lust.
“He loves her,” Annalise whispers.
Her soft words pull both of us to her. She’s not smiling for perhaps the first time since I met her. Her face is serious, deadly serious. My throat clenches and I want to deny it, but those words will not come. Unable to lie I do the only thing I can get my body to agree to.
I nod.
10
GWENETH
My heart is pounding and my mouth is dry. Everything moves in slow motion. A bead of sweat trickles down Khiara’s forehead. The alcohol sloshes in his glass, rising towards the rim as he twirls it in his hand.
Please don’t ask. Don’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I like you, Khiara, but not like that.
His mouth moves, lips pursing then parting. Seconds, less than seconds, crawl past as panic rises, making my stomach churn. My thoughts scatter.
“Yes,” he says and it sounds as if the word is dragged out into impossibility. “And so it is.”
His eyes bore into mine. The question is there, hanging between us, waiting to be given voice. He wants to know it and I don’t want to answer putting us at an as of yet unspoken impasse. Damn it. Why has he been so kind? He’s a good man. A nice guy and sure, he deserves someone to love him. Just not me.
He looks away and time rushes to catch up with itself. It feels as if I’ve dropped over a sudden, unexpected hill. My stomach flies up then drops and cold sweat beads on my arms. I blink, swallow, and try to get my thoughts together.
“So it is,” I say, barely a whisper with my hoarse voice.
He’s staring at the wall, avoiding my eyes? Avoiding me? He clears his throat and gets up. The chair scratches loudly as it slides then he pushes it back into the table. He turns his back, returning to the tools and resuming cleaning them.
Ask him if he’s okay. Check on him. Show you care.
I want to. I should. I know it, but I’m afraid. Afraid that if I do it will be too much. I don’t want to risk leading him on. Giving him the wrong idea but I don’t want to be mean to him either. How do I resolve this?
He scrubs the tools clean while I sit in silence. Paralyzed by my fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Why do relationships have to be so hard? On the ship I’d read romance stories and sure there were always problems to be overcome, if not then there’d not be much of a story, but it was always so much simpler.
Or it felt like it was easier. This… this is hard. It hurts because I don’t want to be wrong. Or cause pain, even knowing that I am. I must say something. Anything. What, I have no idea, but I clear my throat intending to say something. Hopefully something clever. I rise from the chair, leaning on the table, wanting to be more on a level with him.
“Khiara, uh, I?—”
The door opens cutting me off. Khiara and I both jerk around to face whoever is bursting in. I hate the fact that such a simple thing causes me so much fear. I really expect it to be the Maulavi bursting in to take me away.
Will he fight? Will they kill him?
Dilacs stops in the door, staring at the two of us with a deep frown on his face. Relief rushes through me so fast and so hard that my knees are weak. I drop back into my chair unable to remain standing. I exhale sharply and close my eyes trying to will my speeding heart to slow back down.
“Brother,” Khiara growls. “You’re back earlier than I expected.”
“Did I interrupt something?” he asks, hooded eyes slowly drifting from Khiara to me then back.
“No,” I say, and I am so incredibly embarrassed that my voice squeaks when I speak.
Good job. Way to not look guilty. Even if nothing did happen.
Khiara glances at me as he grunts and points to the ceiling.
