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“I can’t do it,” I manage to choke out.
He winds and tightens both arms around my back, where I wish they could stay forever. “Can’t do what, angel?”
“Can’t make myself go home. Can’t sleep alone again. But I have to.” The last part comes out as a whine, and I could just kick myself for how immature and pathetic I sound.
James slips one of his hands lower, stopping at the waistband of the soft, white bike shorts he gifted me when the temperatures outside started to climb. He turns his face to mine, brushes a kiss against the shell of my ear, and whispers with a husky voice, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Yes, I do,” I whine again.
“You can sleep in my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch,” he says in compromise, though I know that’s only partially what he wants, what either of us wants.
I shake my head, brushing my lips against the smooth column of his neck. I place a small kiss over his pulse point, practically salivating for the taste of him, but whisper, “I can’t.”
James flexes his fingertips on my back, then drops his hands to his sides. I cry out and cling to him tighter, pulling myself up with a strength I didn’t know I possessed, wrapping my legs around his narrow waist. He doesn’t hesitate to support my weight with his hands gripping the backs of my thighs. I moan when his dick swells and hardens under my ass, and I can’t control myself. I rub my ass over his bulge and tighten my legs.
“Fuck, angel, you’re killing me. Tell me what you want me to do. Because part of me wants to respect your wishes and tell you to go home. But the bigger part of me, the selfish part, wants to take you to my bed. And if I do that, I won’t be able to let you go.”
My heart is pounding out of my chest at the thought of what he might do to me, the pleasure he would give me if I let him take me to his bed, and how peacefully I would sleep all night long once he was through with me.
“Oh god, James. I-I can’t.” That’s what I say, but I roll my hips, feeling his erection swell even thicker. Longer. And I moan into the crook of his neck. I’ve missed him, missed this, so much.
He groans and slides his hands to my ass, squeezing it once, then pulls my cheeks apart slightly like I want him to spread my pussy, sans the shorts that are frustratingly in the way. He stumbles over Lainey’s blocks and slams my back against the front door. Even that makes me moan.
I tip my head back enough to see his eyes, and the same intense lust and longing I have for him is reflected right back at me. Lust, but also pain and confusion.
“Tell me. Tell me what to do, angel.” He adjusts my weight, and now his bulge is pressed between us, right against my core. He jerks his hips, sliding that bulge hidden behind the zipper of his jeans up and down, creating the delicious friction I have been craving for five long weeks.
“Oh god, I don’t know!”
He goes still, holding himself pressed against me for a few beats, and then he groans and wrenches his hips back. He’s breathing hard as he sets me down on my feet and slowly pulls my arms from around his neck.
“Ok. We’ll stop. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do,” James says with pain twisting his features.
I roll my lips and bite them as more tears well up behind my eyes. Reckless desperation for this man wells up right along with them. I can’t leave. I don’t have the energy or willpower to force myself to do it. Not anymore. I vibrate with the need to touch him.
I can’t take it any longer, and I make a snap decision that instantly floods my body and mind with relief. “No sex,” I whisper.
“What?” His blue irises are swallowed by his pupils as they blow wide when he meets my hooded gaze. His hands clench and unclench at his sides.
“I want you to take me to bed, James.” I infuse my voice with all of the pent-up lust I’ve been holding back these dreadful weeks. “We can’t have sex, but everything else…”
I don’t have time to draw my next breath or finish what I was going to say before his lips crash into mine as he picks me up, and I automatically wrap my legs around his waist again. I have to physically jerk my head back to fill my lungs with air before my lips are right back on his as he practically runs down the hall to his bedroom. He flips the switch to turn on the lamps and throws me on my back in the middle of his bed in a matter of seconds. Our lips move hungrily, frantically, over each other when he climbs on top of me.
It feels like coming home.
My true home.
Chapter 19
James
I can’t believe it. Can’t believe Shayla is giving me the green light to touch her how I’ve been dreaming of on an endless loop since she pulled back from me all those miserable, sleepless weeks ago. My blood is running hot in my veins, and pre-cum leaks from the tip of my cock, just as desperate to get inside her.
She said no sex, but everything else is on the table. My cock threatens to spill in my jeans at just the thought of everything I want to do to her. I plan on making good on all of it, to drown her in pleasure with my mouth and hands, get her so drunk on orgasms that she’ll never leave my bed, even if we never end up having sex again.
She moans when I rock my hips between her spread thighs, all her earlier despair wiped from her expression and replaced with an undeniable burning passion that matches my own. One more rock of my hips, and then I pull back so I can unzip and kick off my jeans and boxer briefs. I strip my shirt off, then crawl back on top of her, bracing myself with my hands on the mattress so I don’t crush her beneath me.
I’m greedy for her sweet taste as I kiss and suck at her jaw and neck. She’s entirely way too dressed while I hover above her, completely naked. That won’t do. Since she’s wearing a T-shirt instead of one of her regular nursing tops, I can’t yank it down and suckle her breasts like I want to, like I’ve been silently begging to do each and every night since we met.
