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Of course. Are you okay? Did something happen?
I’m good. I’ll fill you in when I pick up Britney later. Thank you so much. Kiss Brit for me!
Okay. I will.
I drop my purse and phone on the sofa, then walk to the kitchen. My mind still spinning from hearing about Jaden’s accident from Candace, and not from him.
You told him it was over.
I yank open the cabinet door above the stove, where I keep the cheap glasses, and grab one. Spinning, I throw it against the kitchen wall and scream, “Fuck!” I turn back around and grab another glass. Spinning again, my arm flies forward. Glass goes everywhere, but I don’t care. I don’t fucking care.
But you told him you can’t be with him.
I lean against the counter. My heart claws at my chest as my inner voice won’t shut the fuck up. I can’t take the pain, or the reminders from what we had to what is now. I had to break it off. I fucking had to! I smack my hands over my ears in an attempt to silence the voice inside.
Sliding to the floor, I land hard on my ass, then pull my knees to my chest. I hug my legs and lay my head on my knees. My body won’t stop shaking. I squeeze myself tighter to try to breathe through the pain of not knowing how he is.
Jaden would’ve contacted me directly if he wanted me to know about his accident.
“He’s just my student… just my… student,” I stammer to no one but myself. The whispers don’t stop nagging at me over and over.
But is he…really… Just your student? You could’ve found a way to hide your relationship.
“It wasn’t a relationship, it was a two-week sex romp,” I correct my head voice.
Keep telling yourself that. You know it was more than just sex.
I squeeze my legs tighter and shove those thoughts from my mind. It doesn’t matter now. I ended it and he’s moved on.
Sharp, throbbing, tortuous aches crawl over me. I shoot my legs straight out in front of me as I remain seated on the floor. Suddenly I can’t feel my feet, my legs. My head stings, and I can’t stop crying. Why didn’t Jaden text me? Why did he tell Candace and not me? Have I lost him forever? I drag my hands through my hair, then slap my thighs.
I need to see him. But maybe I should text him instead of just showing up at the hospital. How would I explain my presence there? He’s just my student. I can’t go there and ask all kinds of questions. His parents would wonder why his teacher was so worried. I’m just his teacher, not his lover. I can’t go. It’s too risky. What if another student is there visiting him and I show up? I shake my head quickly to try to clear my thoughts.
Go to him. My deepest inner voice shouts out. I clasp my hands together and push them against my chest.
Go to him.
My heart pounds like a million feet stomping. I need to settle down and think rationally before I make a big mistake that will cost me everything.
I drag myself up from the floor and shuffle my feet toward the staircase. Grabbing the railing, I lift my weary body up each step. When I reach the second floor of my house, I turn and go to my bedroom. With measured steps, I take myself to the bathroom and plop onto the small chair in front of the vanity table.
“Holy fuck!” I shout when I catch my reflection in the mirror. Deep inky half circles show below my eyes, which are mapped with thin red lines. My skin is spotted with too many tiny age spots for being only thirty-nine, but knocking on forty.
Deciding to take a bath before I go to Rae’s and pick up Britney, I go to the tub and turn on the faucet. I pour in lavender and lily oils, add bubble bath, and light a few candles, hoping the combination of everything will help settle me.
Stripping off my clothes, I slide my body into the soft warm water and rest my head on the tubular pillow. As soon as I close my eyes, he’s there. Jaden’s beautiful blue eyes staring back at me. He’s etched in my brain.
Go to him.
I take a deep breath and slip underneath the water. Staying under the warm water for as long as I can, I wish it were all a dream and not the clusterfuck it is.
Popping up from underwater when my head voice insists, he’s not just your student, and you know it. Go to him.
I smack my cheeks to try to keep my mind focused on being Miss Turner, the culinary class instructor and not Blaire, Jaden’s lover.
When the water begins to cool, I force myself out of the tub and reach for the oversized white cotton towel draped over the hook on the wall. I wrap it around myself and sit at the vanity table again, this time to fix my face so I don’t look one hundred years old.
I apply layers of makeup to hide my worry lines. Although, I don’t know why I’m even trying so hard. Rae will notice them immediately.
