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My dad and Santiago continue discussing business matters and I tune them out, pretending to be too busy eating to join in. They don't need my opinions or thoughts anyway. They never ask for them either. I have no idea why I have to be here at all. No one cares to include me in any of the conversations happening around me. Did they forget I was here? Would they notice if I got up and left?
I stay anyway, adding more food to my plate whenever I start to run out. My mom shoots me a look when I reach for roll number five and ask for my wine glass to be filled a third time. I ignore her eyes of disapproval, draining my glass as soon as it's full again. Dinner finally ends and I rush to my room the moment Santiago says his goodbyes, pressing his poisonous kiss to my cheek. My father calls behind me and I ignore him. “Let him go, mi amor. He is still adjusting,” my mother says in a gentle tone.
“Juventinos don't need time to adjust. We are always ready to take on what life gives us. This marriage will be good for this family. It will be good for him. He needs someone like Santiago to make him stronger.” Who is he trying to convince, her or himself?
That is the last thing I hear him say before I disappear into my room. My father married my mother for the same reason. He was nothing before my grandfather took him in and made him who he is now. He was always better at talking to people, at pushing the drugs and distributing them. He eventually took charge of all the businesses he had started up to help launder money for my grandfather. My grandfather saw himself in my father and, in the end, he became his exact replica. At least that's the man he has allowed me to see.
My room is quiet when I shut the door, and I can no longer hear the movements and lingering voices of my parents. I reach for some more comfortable clothes. I never sleep shirtless. I prefer to keep my body hidden even from myself. It makes it easier to pretend I look like everyone else. And with clothes on I do.
Running my fingers along the silk of my corset, I undo the knot in the back, causing the bodice to fall loosely around my torso. I breathe in deep, allowing my diaphragm to expand when I exhale. My stomach muscles should feel free and relaxed after being constricted under its confinements all day, but instead I feel completely vulnerable and bare without the tight fabric hugging my body.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror for too long this time, unsnapping the rest of the corset, revealing my secret to an empty room. Long angry scars run up and down my skin below my pecs, pink and jagged. Tracing my fingers over the marred skin brings me back to the memories I wish to forget. Memories that will haunt me forever. I try to take control of them everyday, but it gets harder to do when I don’t have anything good happening in my life to replace them with.
My body is stretched out over my bed, wrists tied to the posts and ankles confined with rope. My chest and stomach are completely exposed and two men stand above me laughing with knives in their hands. The tip of their blades are cold when they touch my skin and one of the men slowly cuts me, the pain paralyzing. It's hard to breathe and I close my eyes, praying it'll be over soon.
The words still read as clear as they did all those years ago. You lose.
My concentration breaks when I hear glass cracking, and something large comes crashing through my bedroom window. I cling to my own body, wrapping my arms around myself like a lifeline. I bend down, reaching for my undershirt, tugging it over my body. What the hell was that? I stare across the room, trying to get a better look at the item that broke the glass but it's too dark to make out what it is.
Rushing to the wall by the door, I flip on the lights and on the floor rests a large red brick. My breathing picks up and my heart rate accelerates when I notice something taped to it. It's a note. Careful not to step on broken glass, I snatch up the letter and stuff it in my pocket when I hear someone running down the hallway. I kick the corset under my bed before anyone sees it. Someone shoves open my door and my father stands there with a look of worry in his eyes.
“What the hell was that noise? Did you break something?” I shake my head, staring at the broken window, my father's dark brown eyes following my gaze. “What happened? Why the hell are you standing in the middle of glass barefooted? Get out of here before you cut yourself and you add to the mess we already have to clean up.”
Instead of asking if I'm hurt, he turns around, shouting for one of the housekeepers to come clean up the mess. He doesn't question why a brick flew through my window. My family had many enemies who were always sending messages, but I had a feeling this particular one was meant for me, and me alone. “Well, don't just stand there. Get out of the way so Maria can get this mess cleaned up. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight. We will have your window repaired tomorrow.” Shards of glass crunch beneath his shoes and he bends over to retrieve the red brick from the floor, studying it closely. I run out into the hallway, making my way to one of the guest rooms, closing the door behind me. I sag against the door, plucking the letter from my pocket and a stemless white rose falls onto the floor.
Princesa,
I left you a gift by the fountain, in between the tree branches. Make sure to put it on in two days and follow the instructions inside. No need to worry about meeting me anywhere. Get away from your mansion when the sun goes down and I'll find you. Make sure you are wearing every single thing in the box.
One last thing, you aren't allowed to touch yourself when you’re alone. Remember, every part of you belongs to me. I am the musician and you are my instrument. You only make pretty noises when I'm ready for you to.
There's no signature at the bottom and there doesn't have to be. Only one person calls me by that name and only one person knows about the fountain. A shiver courses through me at his last words. I fold up the letter and pick up the rose, reminding myself to hide them with the others later. Shoving my nose against the sweet smelling petals, I walk to the window. I glance outside the fogged up glass, not making out anything other than a few swaying trees and the lights coming from the fountain.
Is he standing out there now?
It's been days since I've seen or heard from him and I'm having withdrawals, struggling to keep it together without my fix. I glance out the window and when I see the lights have gone out, I shut the curtains. There was no way my father would let me leave the house alone tonight, not without one of his goons following me. I couldn’t let them see me walking to the fountain and there was no way I wanted anyone around when I retrieved my gift.
Once the house goes quiet, I sneak out to the tree and find a black box in the branches. Silky ribbon holds the two sides together and I trace the soft material on the way back inside my room. “Is that you, Mateo?” one of the guards asks and I wave him off.
“Yeah. Only getting some fresh air. Goodnight, Phillipe.”
I close the door and lock it. My heart beats fast as I untie the ribbon and open the box. I set the ribbon to the side and pull the pink tissue paper out. My breath catches in my throat when I examine the items in the box. A metal butt plug, a black lace thong with a matching black lace corset. I lift the butt plug, revealing a letter underneath. My hands shake as I open the letter and I touch each inked word with my fingers, reading them slowly.
Princesa,
Put on the clothes and only touch yourself when it comes to inserting the plug. Never leave it in for more than thirty minutes at a time. Remove it if it starts to cause too much discomfort or pain. I can't wait to see you wearing everything for me. Make sure to reapply lube throughout the day if you have to keep it in longer.
Until next time.
I touch the cool metal, tracing the rhinestones around the pink heart attached. I've had other toys inside me before but never a plug. It shines under the ceiling lights and I wonder how pretty it'll look when I'm wearing it. There are loud whispers outside my door and I scramble off the bed, rushing to my closet. I grab a shoe box from the back and set it next to my gifts. Half of the box is taken up by all the roses Gabriel left me, along with old pictures. I add the ribbon, the plug and panties, along with my last two letters. I wait until the voices are gone and the house is silent before retreating back to the guest room, following the walls along the dark hallway.
I didn't want to leave the gift out there long enough for anyone else to find, and I feel better having it in a safe place while I’m sleeping. As much as I hate keeping all my favorite things hidden, I hate hiding Gabriel the most.
Twenty two
Gabriel
Two days have passed since I sent that note flying through the window. It was the only way I could get Miguel's men away from the fountain. I wanted to get a look at my beautiful princesa while I hid his gift in the tree. Once all the men guarding the back rushed to see where the noise came from, I ran to the place where I touched Mateo for the first time.
