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I was here to find a saints forsaken relic — not rip open old wounds.
I wasn't prepared for this. I couldn't handle it.
The past was supposed to stay in the past!
My lungs burned and my legs throbbed as I reached an enormous set of double doors.
Pressing hard, I fell out into the sunlight, tripping over my skirts.
Before I hit the red cobblestone street, warm arms gripped me, pulling me against a firm chest.
The scents of silk and tea filled my nostrils.
Anger and sadness whipped around inside me, and I tried to push away, to force him to let me go. Jaiel was the last person I wanted to see.
"Princess," he whispered, voice low and soothing, holding me tighter. "I know — Just let it all out. I've got you." His hand caressed my back. "You're right to feel how you feel. You're safe." He paused, voice thick. "There's no one here but me."
A sob ripped through me, my shoulders jerking once.
Twice.
I couldn't hold it back anymore.
Heat flooded my eyes as he pressed my head against his chest and my tears fell.
No.
Not him.
Why did it have to be him?
"You should have told me," I sobbed.
He pulled me tighter. "I — I'm sorry. You know how things are in our line of work, and I just … No. No excuses." His voice broke. "I — I regret not considering what the truth would mean to you."
My heart wrenched and I pulled away. Of course he hadn't considered my feelings. That would require him to think about someone other than himself.
"You saw what secrets did in Gleyma, Jaiel!" I slammed my fists against his chest. "Do you know what the last two years were like for me?"
The lost year.
The recurring nightmares — Eli's dead eyes, the feel of blood crusting his black hair flashing through my mind every time I felt just the inkling of happiness.
And I'd only started getting over them for them to be replaced by fucking Karemi.
A warm finger brushed my cheek, clearing the tears there, and my traitorous heart skipped a beat as I looked up into those worried blue eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kaiya." His voice cracked as he spoke. "So fucking sorry. You deserve better people than me in your life —" He pulled me close, resting his chin atop my head. "— but I swear right now I will do anything to make it up to you. Never flirt with you again. Be your pretend lover so the suitors get off your ass. Tell the kings and the Rogues to fuck off. Whatever you want."
Forsaken hells —
It wasn't enough. Even close to enough.
My chest tightened, and I had to force my eyes closed to get some mental space.
Eli — Liam was alive, as were the Harlsteds. But they could have sent me a letter anytime explaining themselves and telling me he was fine. And they hadn't.
Was Jaiel really to blame for their choice?
