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“I know this is way too much pressure to put on a new relationship. But I feel I need to think about it, seriously. I don’t want you to feel trapped or forced into even discussing this. We said we wanted to date before doing the big things, but I’m not sure I have the time to wait and see.”
“Do you want a family with me?”
“Considering I’m completely in love with you, yes.”
Halle’s sharp intake of breath could’ve been heard in the heart of London. It was that loud. “You love me? As in love me, love me?”
“Um, I’m not sure what the difference is,” Lydia laughed.
“Lydia!”
“Yes, I’m in love with you, Halle. It’s fast and scary, but it’s true.”
“I…” Halle didn’t finish her thought. Instead, she scooped Lydia from her chair. The soft brush of lips on Lydia’s neck was followed by wetness. Pulling back, Lydia noted tears slowly sliding down Halle’s perfect face.
“Please don’t cry,” Lydia whispered.
“You’ve just made me the happiest person, Lydia Archer.”
“Even though I’ve just told you, I want to talk about babies.”
“We need to think about it, obviously. But I’m here. And I want that discussion.”
“I’m worried people are going to think I’m reacting irrationally.”
Lowering Lydia so her feet now touched the ground, Halle leaned back slightly. “It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. If this is what you want, that’s all that matters. Only you know what’s right for your mind and body.”
“Do you think I’m trying to sabotage us?” Lydia had spent the rest of the afternoon reading the literature and analysing her feelings.
“Do you?”
Shaking her head, Lydia kissed Halle soundly. “I’ve thought about it. I know I have a habit of doing it sometimes, but not now. If I was certain I wouldn’t have problems conceiving, I wouldn’t even be bringing the subject up for a long time. I’m so happy that my hormones are levelling out, and I don’t want to mess with that, but I also know I want to be a mum.”
“I completely understand that honey. And you haven’t got the certainty of getting pregnant, so it’s only natural you want to start looking at conceiving. Or at least the idea of it.”
Lydia nodded, resting her forehead on Halle’s chin, taking in a breath before looking back up into Halle’s eyes. “And, I don’t know, call me crazy, but this feels right. You and me. It took me way too long to come around, but now, as I’m standing here in your arms, it’s perfect. I can see us in the future, with one or two kids. Monty with a playmate. Us eating a lazy breakfast on the weekend. I’ve never been able to picture that before. Not with anyone.”
Leading Lydia back to her chair, Halle sat. “And if you can’t get pregnant?”
Closing her eyes, Lydia took in a deep, cleansing breath. “I’ve thought about that, too. I know it could be tough. Not just on me, but us. If I can’t fall pregnant, I hope we would look at other methods.”
“I’m okay with that, Lyds. But… I think in our discussion we need to talk about limits.”
“What do you mean?”
“How many times do we try to get you knocked up?”
“Oh, before we stop, you mean.”
“Yeah. And I promise I’m not trying to be negative, but I know what toll this will take, and I love you too much to see you hurting.”
“That’s something we’d need to talk to Elise about when we decided to go forward.”
“True. Would you want to tell Fe?”
“No, not until we were certain.”
“That’s fine by me, honey.”
