AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m not okay with this,” Danny interrupts. “Although it’s not as if you asked. You’re not asking me now, either, are you?”
My heart thumps some more in my chest. I consider it. But no, I can’t give her up. Not even for Danny. And if I did, I can’t imagine I’d be redeeming myself in his eyes.
“No,” I grind out. “I’m not. But you deserve to know.”
“Thank you,” he says. “That’s maybe the one honest thing you’ve said to me in weeks.”
Anger flashes in his eyes, and he nods to the door without getting up. “You can see yourself out.”
“So that’s it,” I say, flexing my hands on the arms of the chair. I didn’t expect him to react differently, but it feels awful, like I’m being sawed in half. “You don’t want to talk this through?”
“You shouldn’t be running around with my sister unless you’re serious about it,” he says flatly, his gaze on mine. Cold, like it’s never been before. “You know what she went through with those assholes.”
“But I didn’t say I wasn’t serious. I…I think I’m…”
Falling in love with her. But the words won’t come. Because it would be ludicrous to say it, to think it. A month ago, I would have sworn up and down that Ruthie Traeger was the most irritating woman alive. I would have almost meant it. But even then, her voice was a part of me. My conscience. My guiding light.
Five and a half years ago, I cared enough to pay Deacon to do that surveillance work, and back then, I had plenty of school debt. I cared about her enough to put that photo of her and Danny and Izzy in my room and be cheered by it, whenever I looked its way.
Still. I can’t bring myself to say that to him—because it would feel like an excuse. He’s asking me if I love his sister, and I can’t give him a truthful answer. Either yes or no would only be a partial truth. And I know that what he is saying is categorically true. You shouldn’t fuck your best friend’s sister unless you’re ready to marry her.
Yes, I did marry her, but he wouldn’t be impressed if I chose this moment to point that out.
“I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear from you. Not until you’re sure,” he says.
He might as well have punched me in the solar plexus, and a part of me wishes he would. It might have made me feel better. He’s looking out at the view as if I’ve ceased to exist, and Ruthie would probably be happy to hear that I don’t feel particularly vain at all. I feel like shit on the bottom of Satan’s shoe. I feel like the worst friend since Benedict Arnold.
“Okay,” I say, nodding and lifting from my chair. “I’m sorry, man…” I turn back to face him before I open the door. “But I’m not sorry for wanting to be with her. I want to take care of her and Izzy. Both of them.”
“They don’t need anyone to take care of them,” he says, meeting my gaze one more time. “And if they did, they have me. If they need anything, it’s someone who loves them.”
His words stick to me like a burr, the way only hard truths do.
I’ve always thought taking care of people was the same as loving them. I’ve thought it with my mother. I’ve thought it with Danny, even. Because you’re supposed to take care of the people you love. That’s what my father always said to me.
But the way Danny just said it now, it’s different…
Maybe taking care of them is part of loving them, but it’s only part.
And, what do you know? Here’s further proof that I don’t know everything.
I stumble out into the living room of the apartment, closing the door behind me, because I know Danny, even if he’d rather not know me right now. He needs to be alone and sit with this.
Ruthie looks up sharply from the couch, where she’s sitting with Mira and Izzy. “Are we leaving?”
The little dog, who was lying by the couch, runs up and sits at my feet, her tail thwapping. Emotion rises in my chest, over a damn dog. Although maybe it’s not this dog at all, but my childhood dog, who used to go hiking with my dad and me. She held out only a month longer than him.
“I’m leaving,” I say firmly. “You don’t have to.”
Because Danny’s message was clear and fair—this is my fault, not Ruthie’s.
Mira’s gaze instantly darts to the door. I don’t have to glance over to know Danny’s still staring out at the view. He probably doesn’t look like he wants to kill me, but appearances can be deceiving.
“Well, we do actually,” Ruthie says. “I have Izzy’s car seat in your car, and my car is at your place.”
Shit, she’s right. I was hoping that I’d have time to think things through too. Because part of me feels like I’ve been selfish again, wanting her, and maybe this time it’s going to ruin both of our lives.
Chapter Thirty
