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I knew that.
But for her, I would be anything. Become anything she needed.
All she had to do was ask.
Seeing her respond to me, want me, gave me something I knew I had no right to… Hope.
All the hope in the world wouldn’t be enough because I knew my best friend. Just like I knew when the sun came up in the morning, Shug would close herself off and forget about what happened between us.
As painful as that was to even think about, it was the truth.
Needing to think, I carefully got up and dressed. Making sure she was comfortable, I quietly left my room and headed downstairs. Entering the kitchen, I found Scribe sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of whiskey.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed with your new wife?” I grumbled, walking over to the fridge. Opening the fridge, I frowned when I heard his voice.
“Thought you’d want to talk.”
Closing the door, I faced him and asked, “Talk about what?”
“Sugar.”
“Not talking about her with you or anyone else.”
“She never slept with Gunner, Enigma. Contrary to popular belief, it’s the truth. Gunner just used her place to hide from King. One thing led to another and soon the entire town assumed the worst. And you know Sugar. She said nothing and let everyone believe what they wanted to believe. The fact is, Gunner spent time with her boys so she could visit with friends. That idiot is a bigger kid than Benny. How do you think he got so good at Call of Duty?”
“What are you saying? You telling me you didn’t sleep with her, either? Because I know you’d be lying if you did.”
Scribe regrettably shook his head. “No, because that would be a lie. But you need to understand something about Sugar. I know you think you know her, but there is something you don’t know.”
“I know everything about Sugar. Everything, and I don’t need you telling me anything about her.”
“She can’t love you back, brother. Not like you want. She doesn’t know how. From the moment she met John, he tore her down, belittled her, manipulated her into believing she was unlovable.”
“That’s bullshit. She loves her parents, the boys.”
“That’s because they are her family. She gave birth to those boys. It’s a different kind of love, and you know it. A woman is capable of love in many forms. Loving different things or different people. But for a woman to love a man, any man, she must peel away all her insecurities, fears and worry, and open herself up to pain. And I’m so sorry to say this, Enigma, but Sugar is incapable of doing that. I’d do anything to help you with this, but I fear you are fighting a losing battle. God, if there was anyone who deserved to be loved, it’s Sugar Potter. She is hands down one of the gentlest, purest souls I’ve ever met.”
“He’s right, Eugene.”
Turning, I saw my sister standing in the doorway.
Walking toward me, she spoke, “I’ve watched you love Sugar since you both were little. I’ve wished and hoped that the two of you would get together so badly. She is your soulmate. I firmly believe that, and you know I don’t believe in that stuff. But Scribe’s right. After what John put her through, what he physically and mentally did to her, Sugar’s closed herself off, Eugene. She won’t let you in. That’s why she keeps everyone at arm’s length. She’s afraid to love again. To get hurt again.”
I knew what they were saying was the truth.
I thought about it myself and didn’t care. I could love her enough for the both of us. I wasn’t ever giving up on her. I couldn’t. She was my best friend. My Shug. I was nothing without her.
“Then I will show her. How hard can it be?”
Scribe shook his head. “It’s not that simple, brother. You can remove every threat, provide her with a safe place, shower her with all the love and affection you have in you, give her everything, but it will never be enough. Sometimes the damage done is so severe there is no way to reclaim what she lost. The fact is, since Sugar was eighteen, she has built so many walls. I don’t think even she knows how to bring them down. That woman has lived and survived the unimaginable. What John did to her wasn’t just fucking criminal, it was blatant cruelty, and she survived it.”
Lidi nodded, adding, “And that’s not including what this town has done to her. Instead of protecting her, rallying around her, helping her, this damn town treated her just like John did, all because of one spiteful woman. Look, Eugene, you know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, but I don’t know how this ends well for the both of you. I think on some level, Sugar truly loves you, but she’s afraid.”
“And that fear is crippling her,” Scribe finished.
Pulling out a chair, I sat, leaning forward, hanging my head as I let everything my sister and brother said sink in. I knew everything they said was the truth. I watched for years while Shug slowly closed herself off, protecting herself from more hurt until all that remained was a shell of a person I once remembered. Yet, since she’s been in my care, I’ve watched as she slowly opened herself back up. She laughed. Really laughed, like when we were kids. I could see her starting to relax, to enjoy things that once tickled her to no end. But mostly, she was opening up to me again. Letting me in.
Albeit slowly.
