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“That’s right,” he said. “You don’t. But when you enlist you know what you’re signing up for. It’s your job and you have to look at it as such. But rescue missions. Bringing home one of your own that is injured or dead or dying while you’re flying. You see your own life flash at the same time. You think that it could have been you. That it still could be.”
“I’m sorry, Lincoln. I guess I never thought of it that way. You probably lost a lot of friends.”
“Enough,” he said. “It wears you down little by little until you don’t know what you feel about anything anymore.”
“That has to be hard,” she said. “I know what it’s like to doubt myself but never like that.”
“It’s not the same, trust me,” he said. He was doubting his actions in the service even though he knew they were right. He doubted everything he did prior to the service and if he’d ever be able to trust another woman in his life.
He could say he found someone he could trust. But that didn’t mean he was ready to let all his demons out either.
“When you left, you could have tried to get a job with law enforcement or a hospital,” she said. “There has to be a demand for helicopter pilots.”
“I could have, but then I’d be right back to what I was doing in the service if I worked for the State Police or FBI. Both were an option. My parents thought I’d do that. I couldn’t tell them why I didn’t want to.”
They’d been so proud of him and his decisions in life. But he didn’t want to let them know and say that maybe it wasn’t the best decision for him.
That if he’d never said he was going into the service, maybe Lara wouldn’t have looked at him as a way out. She would have moved on to someone else to date and her life would have turned out differently.
“Your parents would have understood,” she said. “You know that.”
“They would have, but there were things I didn’t want them to worry about. They worried enough when I was in the service. No reason to continue for another twenty years until I could retire.”
“It’s the parents’ job to worry. Or so my parents remind me all the time.”
“I know,” he said. “Mine have said the same thing. As for a hospital...you know, that’s like a rescue mission.”
“Bringing back the injured and not sure if they will live or die,” she said.
“Exactly. I still fly over for the hospital if needed on the island, but Egan knows I’d rather not. It’s a job, so I’d never tell him no either.”
“That is how I feel. I do what needs to be done with my job. It’s not just for me, it’s for my family. I don’t have regular employers and neither do you. It’s family for you too.”
“It is,” he said. Maybe sometimes he needed to hear those things too. “Landing at the docks that night. I think it saved me in more ways than one. It gave me a job. It gave me a life and it gave me a purpose.”
“A purpose?” she asked.
“To be doing something to make people happy. Most times clients are on vacation. They are excited and thrilled and happy.”
“Do you get lonely or bored when you’re flying alone with cargo?” she asked.
“Nope,” he said. “I use that time to just enjoy the nature around me. I don’t think we as people get enough time in our lives to do that. Least of all in our jobs.”
“That’s why I love the island and where I live. I feel the same way. Just having the time to sit and look at the water. On a beautiful day or a rainy one, it calms me both the same. You get to enjoy it much more than me.”
“I do,” he said. “I wouldn’t change anything about what I do.”
“Neither would I,” she said. “And you know what else this job brought you?”
“What?” he asked.
“Me. It brought me to you and you to me. I never thought much of the whole island legend and lore, but maybe it does work.”
He turned to kiss her on the forehead. “Maybe it does.”
32
DID WHAT YOU HAD TO
