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“Did he die?” My voice cracked as my body went cold.
“No, but he’s out for a while. Bad luck for a Blade, right?”
“Who was it?” A part of me knew before she uttered his name, a part of me could feel it in my gut.
“Torq, that Drexian who went through the maze with us. You remember him, don’t you?”
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Torq
Ishifted my weight on the bed and flinched from the sharp pain in my leg. Grek, the gash in my calf still hurt, even though the academy surgeon assured me that it was healing quickly. I cursed again as I thought of him telling me that I needed rest to fully recuperate and ordering me to avoid strenuous activity. That meant he was ordering me to miss every Blade class until I recovered, which meant I had been stuck in my quarters since being stabbed and falling.
I could not blame the surgeon. I could not even blame the cadet who had slashed at my ankle. He had been trying to beat me, which was the point of the exercise, and he had used the sparring dagger that we’d been given. He had managed to jab it hard enough to break flesh, lodge in my leg, and bring me off the wall.
I had not been the only one to fall, but I had been the only one not to get back up. The shame of my failure washed over me like scalding liquid, and I rammed my head back onto the pillow. First I’d failed to make it into Wings, and now I was failing as a Blade. The possibility of washing out of the academy entirely made me want to scream.
It was bad enough that I’d been injured, but what added to my frustration was the fact that I had not seen Jess since kissing her in the tunnels. After we’d parted that night, I had been sure that she felt the connection as much as I had, I had been sure the kiss had meant something to her.
But she had not shown up for our regular tutoring session the next night. She had not even come to see me after I’d been hurt. Then she hadn’t appeared again tonight, when I had been sure she would. I told myself that she would care that I had been injured. I had assured myself that she cared about me.
“Grekking fool,” I said angrily to myself as I lay in my room alone.
I’d been an idiot to think that Jess was spending time with me for any reason other than blackmail. She didn’t want to hang out with me. She didn’t like me. She was only protecting her friends and keeping me quiet, and I’d been fooling myself if I’d ever thought it meant more.
The kiss had been a mistake. I saw that now, even if I’d been too caught up in the moment to realize it when we were in the tunnels. I’d been too overwhelmed by the closeness of her, the scent of her, the heat of her body next to mine. I’d been tricked by her breathy moan into thinking that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, but I’d obviously been mistaken.
If she wanted me, she would have returned. If she desired me, she would have come back. If she cared, she wouldn’t have left me to suffer alone.
“You have no one to blame but yourself,” I muttered darkly, as I stared at the door that had only opened for the surgeon, Kort, and Kann since I’d fallen. “You ruined everything, as usual.”
Why couldn’t I stop myself from pushing things? Why couldn’t I leave well enough alone? Why couldn’t I stop sabotaging myself?
Jess had been the best part of my days, and she’d become the best part of the academy for me. And I’d scared her off. Like usual.
My leg throbbed as I readjusted it and sat up fully in bed. If I stayed here wallowing in self-pity for much longer, I’d go mad. I grabbed the tablet on my nightstand and swiped a finger across the screen to open it.
The School of Battle was heavy in experiential learning—it was a school of fighting, after all—but there was some written work I could do while I waited to return to full strength. I scanned the document on various attacks with swords, even though Drexians rarely battled with long blades anymore. Still, it was something we’d have to demonstrate, and I didn’t plan to fail an assessment again—ever.
My one comfort was that my family did not know about my fall. I had managed to convince the surgeon not to report my injury to my parents, and since it was not life-threatening, he had agreed. My family had never been big on sympathy, so I would have gotten nothing from them but scorn. Since I was already shedding the last pile of derision they’d heaped on me, I was glad I had been spared more.
When my brain started to tire of sword attack techniques, I instinctively switched my screen to the last Kronock lesson I’d been on with Jess. I might despise the look and sound of the language of our enemy, but I had grown strangely fond of it because it was the reason I got to see Jess. Even reviewing the verbs for “kill” sent a hum of pleasure through me.
I shook my head at my twisted reaction. “I have got to get out of here.”
Glancing back at the screen, I focused on the alien verbs until a knock on the door made me look up. Kort usually checked on me after dinner. Last night he’d brought me some contraband Noovian whiskey, which we had drunk together until I couldn’t feel the pain in my leg. I hoped he would have more tonight. I would welcome anything that dulled the ache in my leg and my heart.
“Come,” I bellowed. “It is open.”
When the door slid back, it was not Kort or Kann. It was Jess.
My heart hammered in my chest at the sight of her, but I could not staunch the hurt from bubbling up along with the relief and happiness. I steeled my expression and crossed my arms. “You are late.”
Chapter
Twenty-Four
