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Can she hear how fast it’s beating?
My still-clammy palms stroke her back, and I inhale and exhale with measured breaths. I know what she’s doing—it’s what she’s always done. So used to living with my anxiety, I don’t even notice when it rears its ugly head up most days, not unless I’m having an all-out spiral.
Izzy though…
She’s always had a sort of built-in radar for it, sensing when I need her before I even realize I do. Before I realize anything’s amiss.
Can’t say the reverse ever developed.
Our twin super powers are strictly one way.
Izzy adamantly denies that of course—she’s big on believing I’ve got it too, buried inside me, just out of reach.
“It’s there, JJ. I know it is, just like it is for me. You’re just…closed off to it.”
I try not to feel hurt recalling her words.
I know she didn’t mean it to be cruel.
Closed off.
Why would I be closed off to something I want? Obviously, I’d love to be just as free-spirited and open and hopeful as her. To not be a cynic.
I want it…
Badly.
But I want a lot of things, and, well, maybe it’s just not meant to be.
Or maybe I just haven’t advanced to that level of…peace within myself, to allow another person’s feelings and influences to take shape inside me.
Maybe I have to find myself first, before I can find her.
We finally pull away from each other, and my gaze drifts toward the ground, while hers lingers on my face. I can feel heat creeping up my neck, though I’m not sure why. I know, rationally, she can’t actually read my thoughts.
She might be able to…sense me, but that’s different.
She’s not a mind reader. If she was, I imagine things would be a lot different. I have to believe that. If she knew…
You sure she’d choose you?
I shake away the thought, not wanting to risk her catching on to my doubts.
Without saying a word, she turns away, stepping back to join me at my side. I feel more than see her tip her head back. I follow her gaze, taking in the heavy black night.
No stars to wish upon tonight…
Even the moon is hidden.
“We should probably head back inside,” I murmur reluctantly.
She nods. “You think that man’s still there?”
I shrug, a soft sound escaping me. “Doubt it. By now he’s probably found some other lucky dude to perv on.” I say it with enough conviction, I almost believe it.
Izzy makes a noise of agreement, further reinforcing it. So much so that I don’t even hesitate when we get to the door, and she hangs back, urging me to go on without her.
“I’ll join you in a second.” She jacks a thumb behind her, and I know what she’s going to say before she says it. Maybe I’ve got a bit of this twin power after all. “I told Mason earlier that I’d call him.”
