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He’ll exhale a little easier the next time around, but it’ll all be the same shit after. He’ll still be quaking with withdrawal. He’ll still be jonesing for the next temporary fix. He’ll still be bone-thin and he’ll still resent me when the dust settles and it really fucking hits him that Izzy’s never coming back; that I’m just this constant reminder of what he once had.
Just as it hits me now:
The Mason I knew and loved…
He’s not coming back either.
He’s been washed away by vodka and Vicodin and this grief he’s content to let ruin his life and everyone around him.
So with nothing left to say, I turn away, welcoming the familiar icy numb cast that creeps over my skin, covering every inch. And I leave what’s left of my shredded heart with a boy who has no clue just how fucking much I’d kill to bring Izzy back.
For him.
For me.
I’d sacrifice myself in a heartbeat to turn back the clock, and take her place.
“She’s the love of my life.”
Yeah, well, you’re mine, Mason.
So fuck us both I guess.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I’m worried about Mason.
I’m terrified he’s going to do something stupid.
I can’t lose him too. I won’t survive it.
Please come back
If not for me…than do it for him…
Whatever will keep him here
He needs you, not me
AGE 19, AUGUST
As summer winds to a close, a familiar sort of haze clings to not just our house, but the whole town of Shiloh.
It’s not unlike the one that welcomed us home from Florida just shy of two years ago, but minus the fanfare. Minus the well-intended reassurances that she’d be found.
This time…
This time the world is mourning, and everyone wants to look away.
Because Izzy is gone.
She’s not coming back.
The girl I shared a womb with, who I loved, and even sometimes hated, for my entire life…
Is just…gone.
This is it.
