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Slowly, Luke approached the bed and sat down on its edge, studying her. Her face was partially hidden by the blankets, but from what he could see, her mascara had left trails down her cheeks, and her eyes were shut tightly.
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head against the pillow and hid her face behind her hands. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Everything was going so well.”
“What do you mean? Rose, please. Look at me.” Gently, he took her hand and shifted it to rest on the pillow beside her. She didn’t resist, and when he could see part of her face again, his heart sank. He’d never been able to handle seeing her in pain. Her eyes were bloodshot and ringed with mascara. “What is it?”
“I went to see Alex.”
Luke sat up straighter, his jaw clenching. “What did he do to you?” His voice came out too sharp, and she recoiled. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly, “I—did he hurt you?”
She shook her head again. “I went to tell him that I still want him to be part of the baby’s life, even though we aren’t together.”
Luke’s stomach churned, and when he swallowed, it felt like razor blades were sliding down his throat. He didn’t know what he’d expected her to say, but that hadn’t been it. He knew rationally that Alex would have to be part of the child’s life—he was the father, after all. But in his weaker moments since Rose had shown up at his office and things had felt normal for the first time in four years, Luke had allowed himself to imagine filling that role instead. Rose had said he was the only one she’d ever wanted a family with, and he felt the same way about her. He wanted her to be the wife who would be his best friend, his partner in everything, the mother of his children.
He forced these thoughts away as quickly as they had come. This wasn’t about what he wanted. And even if Alex was somehow part of the picture, that didn’t mean those things were impossible. He knew in theory that involving Alex in the child’s life was the right thing to do, and if that was how Rose wanted to handle this, he would support her. No matter how much the idea of sharing the title of father made him seethe.
“And what happened?” he asked, keeping his tone as even as he could manage.
She shrugged stiffly. “I just kept telling him how sorry I am that I can’t change how I feel. That I care about him—”
Luke’s fingers curled around the blankets involuntarily as his fist clenched.
“But that I love you.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but no words would come. He’d heard her say the simple but powerful phrase before, when he’d stormed into the kitchen demanding answers about her pregnancy. He’d been too focused on his pain at having such a huge secret withheld from him that he hadn’t allowed himself to think about what she’d said at the time. The words had once been as commonplace between them as breathing—uttered when she’d rolled over in the middle of the night to curl up against his chest or when she’d awoken with his lips against her hair and his fingers tracing the smooth skin of her back. They had been perfect, once. He’d never imagined that anything could come between them.
Hearing her say the words now chipped away at the walls he’d built after she’d left him. He’d planned never to let anyone hurt him that way again, and he’d been certain that he would never let her close enough to even think about doing so a second time. But he was tired of keeping her at arms’ length. He was tired of fighting.
“That I want him to be in the baby’s life,” Rose continued, “but that I’m not going back to him. I just wanted to fix whatever I could, and I feel like I made things worse.”
“Hey. Don’t think like that.” Luke shifted, pulling himself more firmly onto the bed and lying down beside her. He slid close, keeping his movements slow to give her time to tell him to stop, if she wanted, and wrapped his arm around her. He brushed a lock of strawberry-blond hair from her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re a much better person than I am. The fact that you went to apologize and to make things better says that you’re a much better person than he is, too—you didn’t have to reach out, and he should be glad that you did. You’re… doing the right thing, Rose. For everyone, honestly.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well, let’s start with Alex. You could’ve kept the baby a secret, if you’d really wanted to. By virtue of timing, it could’ve just as easily been mine, for all anyone else would’ve known. But you’re making sure he knows the truth and giving him a chance to be in this child’s life, which is the best thing you could do. You—I know you would’ve told me, if I’d given you the chance. And I’m sorry about that.”
“I should’ve said something last night,” she said with a sigh. “But I didn’t want you to think that I was just pregnant and scared and that that was why I wanted to come running to you. I am those things, but that just woke me up to what I was already feeling. I’ve regretted leaving since it happened, and I should’ve been with you all along.”
He kissed her forehead once more and smiled against her skin. “I understand. And you’re doing the right thing for yourself, which is something that shouldn’t be undervalued. You shouldn’t be stuck spending your life with someone you don’t love just because it would make life easier for everyone else. You deserve more than that.”
“Thank you,” she muttered.
Silence hung in the air between them. Luke knew that if he closed his eyes and tried hard enough, he could pretend that they were here under different circumstances. That she’d never left and that they were married by now, with a child on the way that was his. He wasn’t ready to give up on any of that, and he knew that if it was what he wanted, he had to start fighting for it. For her.
“What would make you feel better?” he asked. “Do you want to go get something to eat? See a movie?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to impose.”
Luke laughed. “You know me better than that. What would make you smile?”
She paused thoughtfully. “Food does sound pretty good.”
“I think we can make that happen.”
***
He buttoned his long black jacket tighter around himself to shut out the chilly air as they walked, their footsteps resonating against the wood of the boardwalk beneath them. He knew late September wasn’t the best time to be out on Navy Pier if they planned to stay warm, but he didn’t mind too terribly. From here, he could see the spot at the end of the boardwalk where he’d dropped to one knee and held out a ring and a flower, and he’d made sure to have his sister stationed nearby to take a picture of Rose’s reaction. When he closed his eyes, Luke could still see the shock and delight on her face and hear the little involuntary squeak she’d made as her hands had flown up to cover her mouth.
