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I know I should.
I know that. It’s no longer the secret it once was so there’s no need to hold on to it. I could dissolve the marriage simply, move on with my life.
But…
“Mother—”
“I don’t want to see your face unless you have those papers, Stella. Making a fool of me, tying yourself to that loser. Do you know how this looks to the town? To my friends?”
“That I’m married to an incredibly successful rockstar? No, Mom I have no idea. Probably pretty good.” I snap.
“You’re married to a fucking drunk, just like his father,” she says. For some reason, that is what finally angers me. My mother making judgments and assumptions about people she doesn’t know, never taking the chance togetto know them because she thinks she is better than them.
“He’s not a drunk,” I say, defending him, but she isn’t listening anymore.
“I’m done with this. Get the papers, Stella. By Friday, I want you to get that divorce rolling, or we’re done.”
“We’redone?” I ask, my stomach churning. But I know what she’s about to say. It’s the threat that always looms, hanging over my head.
“If you don’t get a divorce moving, you’ll be fired at the restaurant. You will no longer be invited to family dinners. Your father and I will bedone with you. And if I get my way, Everest will be done with you.”
Everest will be done with you.
I know she could easily turn my father, who never wants to rock the boat, despite how much he loves Evie and me, without much effort, but Everest? Could she convince my twin to stop talking to me?
It’s not improbable; my sister, who has never been able to stand up to our mother, is even more eager than me to please her.
“You can’t just cut me off?—”
“If you don’t do what I’m telling you, I will. I should have done it long ago when you started up this bullshit about being depressed as if you have a fucking thing in your privileged little life worthy of making you fuckingdepressed.”
The ache in my chest builds.
“Get this sorted, Stella, get your fucking life together the way I’ve been telling you?—”
Suddenly, the phone is gone, and a large body looms over me. Suddenly, Riggs’ voice fills the room.
“I can tell whatever you’re telling Stell is fucked because she looks like someone just punched her in the gut,” he says, and my mother’s voice rises an octave, arguing. “No, no. We’re not doing this. Stella is an adult. She can do what she wants, talk to who she wants, and date who she wants. I know you see your daughters as nothing more than a chance to redo the life you’re unhappy with, but it ends now. I’m back, Rhonda, I’m back, and I’m not some dumb fucking kid who’s going to sit back and watch you tear her apart again.”
Again, my mother’s voice starts up, but all I can focus on is Riggins, who shakes his head like he’s disappointed.
“She’ll call you back if and when she’s ready to, Rhonda. Until then, maybe worry about the shit the town says about you and how you treat your daughter rather than worrying about how her relationships will impact your social standing.”
And then he pulls the phone from his ear and hits end.
“You can’t do that!” I say finally, staring at him as he taps on my phone screen a few times, turning on Do Not Disturb, I think. He looks up at me with a small smirk, the dimple out.
“I just did. I’m tired of you living in fear of her. It’s been too long.”
“Who the fuck are you?” I snap, my sadness melting into irritation. I’m glad. Anger is much simpler to manage, easier to control, and morph into what I need it to be.
He tosses my phone on the couch before grabbing my hand, tugging me close, and wrapping me in his arms. I stand there stunned, my mind reeling, my body in a state of pure panic.
“I’m yours. I’m yours, and I’m back, and I’m here to protect you,” he says to the top of my head.
The anger morphs again with the warmth of his body, turning back into that sadness and fear, but now also a bit of nostalgia and longing for something I once had.
“You did back then, you always protected me from her.” I sniff, thinking of that, of those times when I knew no matter what, I would have someone in my corner and how much I didn’t realize I missed not having that.
