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I am so glad I always have my entire family’s location and alerts set up to go off if they get within ten miles of my house. It gives me enough time to change clothes, get my hair together, and look presentable before they show up at my door.
I had to practically sign a contract in blood when I moved out, saying I would call someone if I was really struggling with my breakup. Here’s the thing, I have been struggling, and even though I really loved Alayna and had long-term plans with her, I feel like I should’ve been past this, but instead, it continues to creep in at the most inopportune times and crush me with the weight. I gave her everything, shared everything, and she betrayed me in the most brutal way possible. Years down the drain, I can deal with it during the day but it’s at night while I am in this house by myself or when I am at my mom’s house surrounded by couples that I feel it acutely. DJ, aka Daddy Jag, made sure to completely remodel this house until it doesn’t look remotely like the house Grand Peter gave me, but it doesn’t mask the fact that she isn’t here.
Brooklyn suggested I go to see a therapist, so I did, and I can admit that it helped some, but I know I have a long way to go. I peel myself off the couch and pad my way to the bathroom during the commercial break.
I look like hell, I think as I catch my reflection in the mirror, my hair is in an afro, I have on the same pajamas I have had on since Friday, and I have dark bags under my eyes. I can see the weight loss that I conceal from my family with layered clothing, but I can’t really afford to lose many more pounds before I look truly emaciated. I gotta pull myself together; at this point, I’m just pathetic. I hear the doorbell as I am heading back to lay on the sofa and turn to see who popped up at my house unannounced.
“Jabarri!” I say, surprised and aware that he caught me looking just shy of a hobo. In lieu of a greeting, he holds up a bag from my favorite Mexican restaurant before brushing past and walking inside my house. The smell hits my nose, and my stomach decides to wake up and growl letting me know she’s hungry, and I reluctantly follow him to my kitchen. I stand in the doorway and watch him bustle about my kitchen, putting my food on a plate and grabbing water, silverware, and napkins before pulling the chair out and looking up at me expectantly. I open my mouth to protest, but my stomach uses that moment to growl louder than before. I can’t really remember the last time I actually ate, so I closed my mouth, crossed the room, and took a seat in the proffered chair. He sits next to me, and the silence is so loud it’s deafening, but one bite into the taco, and I couldn’t care less. I eat all of the tacos and rice and beans while he sits there snacking on the chips and dip.
“How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”
“I’m not starving, Jabarri,”
“You look like the skeleton from a high school science class, Skai,” he says, and my decent mood is immediately gone.
“Is that why you came over here to see how bad I look, to rub in my face how stupid I was?”
“No, I…”
“Just leave. I’ll transfer the cost of the food,” I tell him, scraping the chair across the floor as I prepare to get up and walk him to the door, but the hand on mine stops me. I snatch my hand away from him as I glare at him.
“Can we not do this? I just wanted to come by and make sure you were okay. But come on, Skai, you have lost a substantial amount of weight. I’m just concerned, we all are. Don’t make me leave,”
This is new. I know how to handle smart-ass Jabarri, arrogant Jabarri, and even taken Jabarri, but a sincere Jabarri? That’s uncharted territory, which is probably why I don’t leave the table.
“I appreciate the food and you checking on me, but I am fine. I go to work every day and see my therapist; I am at every family function. What more do you want from me?”
“To be happy again. The light you used to have in your eyes is gone. The fire is no longer there. How can I help you get it back?” He cradles my face in his hand, and before I can think better of it, I lean into it.
“How, Jabarri?” I whispered in the quiet room.
“Like this,” he leans over and kisses me really kisses me. His lips are soft and warm, and they have me melting in my seat until I remember he is a taken man! I pulled back from the kiss so fast I almost fell over backward in the chair.
“GET OUT,” I growl at him.
“Skai,”
“No! There is nothing you can say to me. You are in a relationship, but you’re over here kissing on me. I will not do to Natalie the same thing that was done to me. I saw my dad completely dog, disrespect, and cheat on my mom my whole life until she left him, and I refuse to do that to someone else. I want you to leave my house,” I tell him before getting up and walking out of the kitchen. I wasn’t in the best of moods before he came, and I feel even worse now. How could I do that to another woman? I sit on my bed until I hear my front door close, before breaking down.
Jabarri
How could I fuck this up so badly? But I had waited years for that kiss. However, her and I needed to have a conversation first. Now, I don’t know if I will ever get the chance to talk to her and make this right. One thing for sure, after that kiss, I am not willing to walk away I am just going to have to think outside of the box. I head home but decide to make a phone call.
“What do you want? True and I are trying out our new guns, and you are disturbing us,” he says, and I hear gunfire in the background. These two are certifiable.
“Gummy, I need your help, and I need you to keep this between me and you,” I tell him. I hear shuffling in between gunfire until it’s completely quiet.
“What’s going on?” he asks seriously.
“I need you to send food to Skai for dinner. I would send it myself, but I don’t think she would take it from me,
“What did you do?”
“Fucked up, and I have to fix it, but she has lost a lot of weight, and I want to make sure she has food to eat tonight even if she doesn’t eat it,”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, concerned over his “baby,” so I run down my visit minus the kiss and getting kicked out.
“I’m going to have to go get my baby and have a niece uncle day.”
