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CHAPTER ONE
dakota
The bed dips beside me as I slowly open my eyes. The sunlight streams in from the side curtains as I wait to see who’s climbing into bed. Soft movement behind me has me guessing it’s one of my girls. I smile and wait for it, then I feel it. The knee in the back as they try to crawl on the bed, then the hand on my shoulder. “Mommy,” Luna says, trying not to speak loud but not knowing how to whisper. “Mommy, I awake.” She leans over me, shoving her face into mine. Her soft brown hair falls around her face and lands on mine, tickling me.
I try not to laugh when I roll over and wrap my arms around her, bringing her to me. “Happy birthday, my little one.” I turn, cuddling her in my arms as I kiss her neck four times. “Four birthday kisses,” I say, kissing her again three times, this time as she giggles in my ear. “So what does the birthday girl want for breakfast?”
She releases a huge sigh as if she’s deciding the future of the world. “I want pancakes.” She turns to me. “No, no.” She holds out her index finger. “Waffles.” Her eyes go big and the smile even bigger. “Wait, no.” She gets on her knees. “French toast.” I wait for it, knowing that she’ll change her mind again. “Mommy.” She claps her hands. “Breakfast taco!” She folds her hands together. “Like Uncle Chrissy.” I throw the cover off me as I slide my feet into my pink Ugg slippers. “Pancake with scrappled eggs.”
“Scrambled,” I correct her, and she nods.
“And sausage.” She holds both her hands outstretched. “With maple syrup.”
“That’s a big breakfast,” I tell her. “Don’t forget, we have your birthday party this afternoon.”
“I’m hungry.” She stands in the middle of my bed in her pink nightgown. “Like a hungry, hungry hippo.”
I chuckle and look at the side table where my phone is, touching the screen to see that it’s just after 6:00 a.m., giving me enough time to make her the breakfast tacos, and she will still be okay for her birthday party.
“Okay, I’m going to brush my teeth, and you should do the same.” I move my hand in front of my nose. “You almost killed me with your morning breath.”
She bounces from her feet to her bum, then scoots off the bed. “Your breath smells gooey.”
She runs out of my room. “Don’t wake your sister up,” I warn softly. She looks over her shoulder and smirks at me when she gets to my door, just like her father.
I stand here for a minute, looking at the side of the bed that has again gone unslept in. I look down at my feet before walking toward my bathroom.
The white floors shine in the sunlight. The four windows brighten the room so much you don’t have to turn on any lights during the day. I use the toilet, then walk over to the double sink, grabbing my pink toothbrush from the middle cabinet. As I brush my teeth, I ignore looking over at Benji’s side of the bathroom. His side still has stuff out from last night when he used it before he went out to meet some friends, instead of staying in with me and watching a movie or just staying with the kids.
I put my toothbrush back before I wipe my hands on the white hand towel. Then I grab my phone and walk toward the double doors. Rain’s door is still closed, which means she’s still sleeping. She’s six going on thirteen, but I think she’s seeing a lot of things kids shouldn’t see. Walking down the winding staircase, I see Benji’s keys on the table at the door. “At least he’s home,” I mumble as I walk past the formal dining room we hardly use.
I make my way to the back of the house, where we spend most of our time. When I walk into the kitchen, I look over to the family room and see Benji sleeping on the couch, one foot on the floor, one on the couch. His pants are unbuckled, and his shirt is lifted on one side. His collar is stained with what looks like red lipstick. Nine months ago, this would have cut me off at my knees. Now, it’s just like a kick in the stomach. I walk closer to him, his head turned to the side where he has the same color of stain on the side of his neck. His scruff from not shaving for the past two weeks is getting thicker, but that’s what you get when you’re on summer vacation. I notice a small plastic bag with two white pills in it on the coffee table.
My blood boils when I hear footsteps on the stairs. I bend down and grab the bag in my hand before turning around and bending to knock his hand. He mumbles in his sleep before he turns his head to the side. The footsteps sound closer, so this time, I bend down and push his shoulder, making his eyes snap open. “Huh?” He looks at me, trying to get his eyes to focus. “What?”
“Luna is up and coming down the stairs,” I tell him, “and you stink like a skank. She even left her mark on you this time.” I point at his neck, and he rolls his eyes right before he turns over.
“Stop busting my balls,” he mumbles, “it was a friend.”
“Trust me, the last thing I want is to get anywhere near your balls,” I hiss at him. “Now get the fuck up, your daughter is coming.”
I kick the couch before turning away and walking into the kitchen. “Daddy!” Luna shouts his name as she runs into the room and jumps on the couch. I toss the contents of the plastic bag into the garbage disposal before turning on the water and starting it, hoping that it makes more noise than it should.
“Daddy, Daddy,” Luna calls out again. This time sitting next to him as his face is turned away from her, his arm now wrapped around her bottom to make sure she doesn’t fall. “Daddy, it’s my birthday,” she announces to him proudly.
“Yeah,” he slurs. “Happy…” His eyes close.
I grit my teeth. “Luna, why don’t you come and help me make the pancakes.” I smile at her, hoping she comes without asking any questions. “Benji!” I shout his name, and he lifts his head. “Go lie down upstairs in the playroom.”
He sits up, kissing Luna on the top of the head, before stumbling to his feet and walking out of the room. I watch him walk out before turning back to see Luna on the couch watching her father walk away. “Do you want to do the eggs for the pancake tacos?” I ask, trying to redirect her attention. It doesn’t take much since she’s only four.
She comes running into the kitchen, standing beside the big gray marble island, hopping on the chair I have at the side. “I want to do the eggs,” she informs me, and I walk over to start the pod in the coffee machine first before walking over to the industrial, double-doored, stainless-steel fridge. Opening it, I grab the clear basket that holds the eggs. I put it in the middle of the island before bending down to grab a plastic mixing bowl.
“Here you go.” I put the bowl in front of her and grab two eggs. “Start with this.” She smiles at me as I walk to grab my coffee.
“Mom,” Rain says when she walks into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, “Dad came into my bedroom and fell on my bed.” She walks around the island to come to me. I open my arms for her as she hugs me around my waist. “And he stinks.”
“He needs to brush his teeth,” Luna states, cracking the egg on the counter and then smashing it in her hands and into the bowl, shells and all.
