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“You okay?” Christopher asks from beside me, his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah, why?” I look over at him.
“It’s just the first holiday.” The way his voice goes soft makes my chest get tight.
“News flash.” I take a deep breath. “Benji wasn’t here the last two Halloweens,” I tell him, and before he can ask me anything, the girls run back so we can walk to the next house.
“How is that possible?” he asks when the girls leave again.
I shrug. “It just is.” I can see his jaw clenching as he bites down. I avoid looking at him the rest of the night, and by the time we walk back to the house, he has Luna on his shoulders because her legs are tired.
He kisses the kids goodbye. “I’m leaving tomorrow for a week, so you won’t see me at hockey,” he says and both the girls groan a bit. “I’ll try to FaceTime Mommy so I can see.” He smiles over their head at me. “If she answers.”
“When haven’t I answered?” I joke with him as he gets up from hugging them. I shake my head as he walks out of the house.
The second day he’s gone, he calls me earlier than normal. “Hey.” I pick up while I’m sitting at my computer looking at a new client list.
“Are you coming to the fundraiser next weekend?” he asks, and I hear the sound of a door slamming on his end.
“I have no idea,” I tell him. “I got the invite, but I’m not sure.” It’s the annual fundraiser the team does, usually to support the children’s hospital. I’ve gone every year, obviously, because Benji had to go. The last time we went was the first time I knew he was taking drugs. I also knew I would never put myself in that position again.
“Why not?” He sounds out of breath.
“I don’t know, because I might not want to.” I lean back in my chair. “Why?”
“I was just asking. I didn’t know if you would be coming or not.” He takes a drink of whatever he is drinking. “It’s for the kids.”
“I’ll think about it,” I give in. “I was going to have a Sandra Bullock marathon.” I try not to let him know that I’m laughing.
“Good God, start with The Lake House, it’ll end quickly.”
“Goodbye,” I say, hanging up with the sound of him laughing.
It takes me a whole week to decide to go. Even on the day of the event, I think about backing out. I haven’t even really told Christopher I’m going, in case I get cold feet before I go. He hasn’t asked me since that phone call, and I haven’t brought it up. The babysitter arrives on time, so I go up and get ready.
I tie my hair at the back of my neck in a long ponytail before applying just a touch of makeup. I quickly get into the dress I ordered literally two days ago and had it rushed over to me. Luckily, I knew the designer, and she could do it. I went with an off-the-shoulder, silk mermaid gown with one little cap sleeve on the right side. It has ruching on the left side of the top area. It goes to the floor but shows the side split when you walk. Turning, I look at myself in the mirror before I grab my nude heels with a peep toe.
After I inhale deeply, the sitter calls my name and tells me the car is here. I put my hand on my stomach before I grab my purse and walk out of the room. When I get to the bottom, I ask to zip me up the rest of the way before I lean down and kiss the girls. “I shouldn’t be late,” I tell the sitter, who waves with the girls at the door.
My stomach is in knots as I make my way over to the hotel where the event takes place. Looking out the window, I try not to talk myself out of turning back and going home.
I don’t have a chance to do anything because my door is opened by the doorman of the hotel. I smile at him before getting out and walking into the building. A big sign on the side of the staircase indicates where to go.
I walk up the staircase with a lump in my throat and my stomach feeling like it’s going to come out of my feet. I spot him right away; he’s dressed in a black suit that I’ve seen him wear before, but now it feels like it’s different on him. He stands with the guys talking but stops midsentence when he sees me. His eyes are on mine as if he doesn’t really believe I’m here. I hold up my hand to him, and he leaves the guys to come my way. “What are you doing here?” he asks when he stops in front of me. “You look amazing.” His voice is breathless and tight. “I would have picked you up.”
“It was a last-minute decision,” I tell him, trying to smile but feeling the tears. “I might leave in an hour or ten minutes. The jury is still out.”
He just shakes his head. “You say the word, and we’ll get out of here.” He motions with his head. “But first, you have to say hello.”
“Yeah, I was afraid of that,” I mumble as he puts his hand on my lower back. I spot a couple of the players who used to play with Benji. They are all super nice to me and friendly, and I’ve learned that even though they might have known he was on drugs, Benji was responsible for himself. At the end of the day, he was the one who had to look out for me and the girls, not them.
“Hi,” Andreas greets me, bending his head and kissing my cheek. “I’m happy you come here,” he says with his thick accent.
“Thank you.” I smile, taking his affection.
“You alone?” He looks around me to see if I have maybe a friend or a date.
“I’m alone.” I hold my purse in both hands to stop them from shaking.
