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epilogue
CHRISTOPHER
Four months later
“Uncle Chrissy,” Luna says, coming down the stairs as soon as I walk in the door, “Mom says I can’t take five dolls with me on the vacation.”
I scratch the back of my head. “First of all, hi.” I walk to her and pick her up, kissing her cheek. “And second, five dolls is a lot for vacation,” I tell her.
“But they are going to be sad,” she says.
“What if we got a camera and put it in the room so you can talk to them from the vacation?” I ask, and her eyes light up. “That way, they won’t be sad.”
She squirms out of my arms. “Can we?” she asks like I just told her that Santa is going to come over for lunch tomorrow.
“We can.” I nod at her. “Where is Mom?” I ask, and she points upstairs, so we walk up the stairs toward the bedroom.
“Mommy.” Luna happily walks in front of me, going past the bed and to Koda’s closet. “Uncle Chrissy said I could take one doll.” She holds up a finger, and I lean against the doorjamb. I see Koda packing things in her suitcase, her head bent, the hair falling around her face. “And we will get a camera in the room to watch them.” Koda’s eyes come to mine, and I can tell this is going to be another discussion about me not giving in to everything that Luna wants. “And when I’m at the beach, I can watch them and talk to them.”
She stands. “Is that so?” she asks, and Luna stands there with one foot on her other. “Well, go choose which one you’re going to take.”
“Okay.” She turns and skips out of our bedroom. My eyes go to the frames she’s added next to our bed. One is with Koda and me, her in front of me, my arms around her as we stare into the camera. It was taken the day my family came down to welcome her. The one beside it is of the four of us sitting in her family room right after we ate. The frames are in my bedroom or what is now called our bedroom. We started with dinner there a couple of times a week when I was in town and then had sleepovers. Slowly, but surely, they brought more and more things over. Her house is now being rented out by a rookie on the team who got traded and needed a house for him and his family.
“Really?” Koda looks at me. “A camera in her room?”
“Yeah, sort of like those baby cams.” I walk in and around her suitcase, grabbing her hips and pulling her to me. “Hi, by the way.”
She puts her hands on my chest, and I look down at her bare hands, knowing that my ring will be on her finger after this holiday. “Hi.” She smiles as I lean down to kiss her.
“I guess I should thank you for not giving in and letting her bring five dolls.”
“Well, if she hadn’t told me you said no.” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her to me. “I probably would have.” She shakes her head, chuckling. “How was this afternoon?”
“Well.” She walks away from me, my hands falling to my sides. “One, are we going to talk about the fact you left when you knew Eddie would be here?”
“Nothing to really discuss,” I tell her as she raises her eyebrows. “Eddie was coming to see the girls.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “And it wasn’t my place.”
“Do you not live in this house with us?” she asks, and I try not to roll my eyes. “This is your house; how could it not be your place?”
“You know what pisses me off?” I point a finger at her. “This is our house. Do I need to remind you again?” Her cheeks get pink as she thinks of the last time she called this my house. I waited for the kids to go to bed and then ate her out on the couch for an hour, never letting her come until she said what I wanted her to say.
“Christopher,” she hisses out my name.
“It’s the first time since he’s been back from Florida. I thought it would be good for him to have time with the girls and not feel like I was breathing down his neck. I did it more for the girls than anyone else,” I admit finally. “How was he to you?”
“He was fine. Cordial, the way I wanted it to be. He looks like he’s aged ten years.”
“Well, his son died,” I point out, “and the way we found out he’s been dealing with it for a while, the guilt will sometimes push you even lower than you think you are.”
“I can’t imagine.” She takes a deep breath. “But that’s Eddie’s journey.”
“It is.” I watch her. “But whatever his journey is, it’s going to be the girls’ journey also.”
“It will be part of their journey,” she agrees. “A very, very small part of their journey, you know why?”
“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“Because we are going to make sure the rest of their journeys are filled with so many things that it won’t matter. It’ll always be their journey that their dad died and there will always be memories of before Dad died and after Dad died. But there will be so many more journeys and memories after he died that they’ll fill up all the gaps and all the holes. I know this because you’ll make sure we do it together. Me and you.” I’m about to tell her I love her when she holds up her hand. “And by the way, I love you.” I laugh. “I said it first.”
