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He held my stare when I looked at him. He was trying to intimidate me with his glare, but it wouldn’t work.
“Everyone has their secrets,” I said simply, popping a chunk of steak in my mouth to stop the conversation.
“I’m just saying it’s like we belong together. Fire and Ice.” He winked at me then turned his stare to Cassius who was glaring at Haden. Nev peered at his friend with a confused look. He obviously hadn’t seen him act this way before.
“What else are you hiding?” The older man I didn’t know spoke to me, casting the same glare as Haden. I gaped at him confused, the steak turning into ash in my mouth. “Do you have other magic?”
“No,” I denied, knowing that the other magic I held was elite magic. It was the reason I carried this mark behind my ear. Perhaps the fire magic was elite as well, but it was nothing compared to the darkness that I hid away from everyone.
“Sure,” he scoffed.
“Who are you?” I asked him as I continued eating.
“I’m Lavtan, the King’s advisor.”
When I went to open my mouth, Cassius’s hand squeezed my leg under the table in warning. I stared at him confused and he gave me a pointed look, silently telling me to shut the hell up. It irritated me, but I listened. Cassius didn’t move his hand away from me for a long few moments, but no one would notice with how close the seats were.
“Thea, I was truly impressed by your abilities today. I had to admit I was surprised when Cassius said a woman was fighting in the trials. They hadn’t had much luck in the past, but you are truly a sight to watch,” the King said from his place at the head of the table.
I searched his eyes for mockery or malice, but found none. He was being truthful with me. It was an odd feeling to receive such high praise from the man I loathed. A man I wanted to kill.
“Yes, quite a sight. Who trained you?” Lavtan asked.
“A boy from back home.”
Cassius’s fingers tightened on my leg slightly before pulling away completely. I watched him but he just stared at the King, communicating with each other without uttering a single word. I wondered if that was somehow the wrong thing for me to say. A silence fell around the table, and the tension inside me continued to mount.
A few of the other contestants spoke about their families and such, but I didn’t pay much attention. Cassius turned slightly away from me like he didn’t want to be close to me anymore. Suddenly, I lost my appetite and just wanted to be excused but knew that was unlikely.
I pushed the food around on my plate until the plates were cleared. A small piece of white cake with a berry filling was placed in front of each of us as the silence continued. Gods, this was painful to endure. I ate my dessert solely so I could be done with this dinner.
“So, Thea, this boy from home, is he a friend or boyfriend?” the King’s daughter asked, smiling at me but letting it drop when her eyes shifted to Cassius, who shook his head to stop her. Her eyes bugged out slightly before looking back at me as if I hadn’t seen their whole exchange.
“Kai and Kaz are friends,” I answered but gave no other details. She gave me a big, satisfied smile before continuing her dessert.
When I finished my cake everyone else was just finishing up as well. Cassius still didn’t look at me and acted as if I wasn’t there at all. My hands sat in my lap squeezing together in anxious nerves. My eyes glanced at the doors, wishing I could go through them now.
I must not have been hiding it very well, because the king asked, “Are we boring you?” He chuckled lightheartedly.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m just exhausted.” The tightness in my chest was worsening. This wasn't the time this heaviness crushed my ability to breathe before. My breathing was almost unbearable because of the panic coursing through my veins. I needed to get out of this room before they saw how worried I was getting.
“Of course,” he sighed. “You had quite a trial. We will have dinner again soon.”
He stood along with everyone else as they said their pleasantries. Cassius stood but said nothing to me but said goodnight to the others. Taking the hint, I left without a word to him. Not even the beautiful decorations in the hallway could distract me from the onslaught of negative thoughts I was having about myself. The increasingly negative thoughts racing through my head amplified with each step.
Once I was back in the safety of my room, I ripped the dress and heels off. Why did I constantly feel like I did something wrong? They all judged me, but I wasn’t sure if that was real or if my own thoughts were fighting against me. Cassius was the main reason I felt like this. I had upset him somehow, and as a result, I had made everything so awkward for everyone.
These insecurities plagued me constantly, like a soft voice whispering how insignificant I was. Like I always did the wrong thing or said the wrong thing. There were times like this when I wished I could remember my past because this wasn’t about Cassius. It was about being too familiar with this feeling. It was the fact that I knew someone had made me think this way about myself.
Or maybe I do mess things up and I really am the problem.
I changed into my regular clothing, slipping on my boots so I could get out of here and clear my head. I grabbed my cloak, passed through the darkness of the castle grounds, and headed towards the woods.
The moment I stepped inside the trees, all the thoughts running through my head quieted. The woods gave me peace, but it was fleeting. It didn’t take long for the panic to fill my chest again. All the horrible things I believed about myself came crashing into my mind.
Tears plagued me and I let them fall as breathing became harder for me. I was dying. I had to be. My breaths were small and shallow as I fell to my knees in the clearing. Calming myself had always been difficult when I was this overwhelmed.
“Little Liar.” Cassius was standing directly in front of me when I opened my eyes again. Seeming to register that something was wrong, he knelt down, lowering himself to eye level.
