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Nev looked at me from the other side of the fire. His eyes were nothing close to the friendly guy I had been friends with at the trials. How could he have been so convincing? Maybe I was gullible, and everyone knew that, so they had preyed upon that weakness.
An unnerving feeling hit me when I realized everyone knew more about me than I did. One would think that being told things about myself would trigger my memories. I knew there were still huge pieces of my life missing. And then there was the matter of the witch's bloodstone.
Nev startled me out of my thoughts when he sat in front of me with the fish. He took a bite before feeding me one. We did this in silence for a long time. The fish had no real flavor to it, but it tasted so good on my empty stomach. And anyway, I had survived off of less before. Nev didn’t leave when we finished, and I knew something was coming.
“Do you know something?” he accused.
“What do you mean?” I bit out. “I've been tied up and dragged through a forest by a deranged lunatic. It’s not like I’m having conversations with others out here.” I hoped that my attempt to make him feel stupid would work and he wouldn’t interrogate me the way I wanted to interrogate him.
He studied me closely. “You’re oddly quiet.”
“Because you won’t answer any of my questions anyways so what’s the point of talking? Should I beg you to let me go?”
“I never said I wouldn’t answer any questions. You just need to ask the right ones.”
Again, with this cryptic shit. I wanted to roll my eyes and spit at him.
“Why don’t I have memories?”
“You were cursed,” he answered without hesitating. “After the prophet spoke of you being the downfall of Kingdoms and wiping out those who didn’t feel the same about elite magic, someone felt the need to erase your memories so you couldn’t remember whatever your plan was.”
“Who would do that?”
“No one knows.” Nev seemed genuine in his response.
“When did this prophet predict I would be the fall of Kingdoms?”
“Seven years ago. You are a monster, Thea. The prophet's telling told us that. You will crumble Kingdoms. You will kill Kings, but the question is...what Kingdom will you be a monster for? You could burn the whole realm down if you wanted to." His eyes glanced over me. “Seems fitting.”
“That doesn’t sound like me,” I argued.
“You don’t even know who you are, so how can you be sure that it was not your intention before the curse was placed?”
His question made me not argue back. He was right. What if I was this destroyer of Kingdoms? What if I planned on burning down the realm around me? The darkness I held inside made itself known as I struggled to convince myself I wasn’t a monster. If Cassius knew the prophet’s proclamation and it was truly that bad, he would not be trying to save me. He would want me to die if I was the cause of suffering. If I were to threaten his family’s Kingdom, he would not let me live to see the day that the proclamation came true. I stared at Nev for a long moment.
“So, the Kingdom of Cerithia will kill me when I get back to it?”
He shook his head. “No. You are a valuable fae to have when on the right team. But you will have to choose which Kingdom your loyalty lies with. Crimson or Cerithia.”
“But I’m a threat to both.”
“No, you're a threat to all the Kingdoms that you are not loyal to. The thing with you though is no one can trust a fucking word you say because you burn bridges just as fast as you build them. No one wants to take the chance of releasing you from the curse if they don’t know that you are fighting for them.”
“So, what about the other Kingdoms? Don’t they want me, too? This seems to be a fight with Cerithia and Crimson.”
“Yes, they do. All of them are desperate for you to pick them. Although most Kingdoms are terrified of you, you could take down armies of enemies with a flick of your wrist if you wanted. You are the most feared fae the realm of Elloryon has ever known. The realm had all once been ruled by a single family. In a war many millennia ago it was divided into five territories. Akecia, Crimson, Kizar, Cerithia, and Falgon. Crimson and Cerithia have always had war. They are the worst of enemies. The other three territories stick to themselves for the most part. None will try to get between Cerithia and Crimson to steal you away.”
There was nothing to say because I wasn’t sure what to ask at this point. All the Kingdoms wanted me for one reason. They were all terrified of me and if I was with them then they would be safe from me. The more I learned, the more I sounded like a monster. Swallowing the hard lump in my throat I tried to keep myself from getting upset. I didn’t want to be feared or a monster.
I was trying to free a whole group of fae for fuck’s sake! How did that sound like a monster? Maybe because elite magic holders were monsters. I wanted to shake away that feeling, but it stuck with me. Maybe us being locked away had kept harmony for all the kingdoms. Maybe it was better for me to be locked away since every Kingdom only wanted to use me as a weapon anyway.
Is that what Cassius wanted from me, too? The realization that I was only a pawn in this shifted something deep down inside of me. The Wisps all seemed to burn bigger at this shift, as they sensed it too.
No one cared about me. No one picked me because they cared. Others wanted me to hold over the heads of others. A feeling of dark numbness consumed me. This was definitely not the first time I had reached this conclusion. Maybe living in Exile had been done to keep everyone safe. Why should our realm live in fear of me? My mind shifted to a memory that broke free from the curse.
I stood in the castle hallway of the Crimson palace. I could hear the king and Cassius talking in angry whispers.
“You need to do whatever you can to convince her to choose us, Cassius,” the King demanded. “You’re running out of time.”
