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“How am I supposed to tame a monster!” Cassius hissed back. “Thea will always do what she wants because no one can control her. Why do I have to be the one that has to do this?”
The king spoke so softly I could barely make it out. “You’ll get her to pledge her loyalty to the Crimson Kingdom or you won’t get your throne when the time comes.”
“Fine,” Cassius snapped. “I’ll keep pretending like I care so much about her. At least she was so starved for someone to love her that I barely had to put effort into it. Pathetic.”
“Well, make sure she believes you actually care about her and don’t completely despise her. That should be easy if she is that desperate for anyone to show her some attention. Gods above know her family never wanted her either.”
I ran back to his room and sat numbly on the bed. I had never heard Cassius speak so poorly of me.
He thought I was a monster. He thought I was pathetic. Just then the door to his room opened and he walked in wearing a big genuine smile. My heart couldn’t understand how he could put on such a good show for me. He truly hated me. Cassius pulled out a bunch of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen before from behind his back. He knelt on the floor between my thighs and pulled me to him for a hard kiss.
All I could think about were his words. What was he thinking about every time he touched me or kissed me? I’m sure disgust filled him. Was he thinking of someone else? My heart cracked under the weight of betrayal that his words made me feel. I truly cared for him, and I thought I had finally found something real. Someone who could love me. Someone who saw past the elite magic I held. I thought Cassius loved me.
“What’s wrong, Little Viper?” he asked, frowning that his gift hadn’t gotten the response he expected.
I wanted to tell him off. I wanted to tell him that I had heard every word he said of me, but a bigger part of me didn’t want him to stop pretending. I wanted to pretend like he loved me. I wanted to pretend the smiles and the kisses were real.
I really was pathetic.
I hated myself more than ever before. I wished so deeply that I wasn’t a monster. I wished I was worthy of a love like Cassius. His words had broken me more than years of my family's outright disgust for me had.
“Nothing,” I lied. His hand brushed my braid off my shoulder. Cassius’s golden eyes stared at me like he truly did care.
“I missed you today,” he spoke softly.
All I could think of was how unworthy I was of even this fake affection he showed me. Who could love someone they were terrified of? Cassius had made me think that I could be normal, and I never would be.
Chapter 18
Ishook my head back and forth to get rid of the memory. I didn’t want to feel this way, but it was too late. That darkness seeped through my flesh and bones, wrapping every part of me in dark numbness. Heartbreak threatened to crush me, but I let the darkness take away that pain. Everyone in my life had molded me into the monster they thought I was.
“What’s your problem?” Nev questioned. When I smiled at him, he visibly shifted away from me. “Your eyes are black,” he whispered.
“I just realized that you’re probably right. I am a monster.”
Confusion took over his features as he inched away from me. I peered into the forest line when I heard footsteps. Haden walked through the tree line towards us. As soon as he saw me, he stopped immediately. His eyes shifted to Nev and then back to me.
“What the fuck is wrong with her?” Haden asked.
“She got extremely upset then her eyes turned black, and those marks appeared.” Nev sounded worried. I inspected my still-bound arms and saw that red, orange, and black swirls had crawled up my skin. It felt hot as it moved over me, almost as if it was burning me. It crept up my back and around my neck, and then it stopped. It practically whispered its approval of letting it take over me. I’ve missed you. Let me take the pain away. I will make them suffer.
“What took you so long?” Nev snapped. “You were supposed to bring horses.”
“The castle is on lockdown. Cassius is losing his shit. He killed a guard this morning because he wasn’t at his post last night to prevent this. He wants her back.”
The thought pissed me off. He was still pretending to care about me. Would I ever be anything to anyone except a pawn? The darkness clawed its way deeper into my flesh and bones. Marking and tainting any shred of hope that Cassius didn’t think I was a monster.
“Well, let's hope he follows us.” Nev sneered at me, and I made a noise that was so animalistic it had him retreating immediately. The pure terror on his face made me laugh. “She’s lost her fucking mind.”
I felt caught between the only Thea I could remember and the desire to turn into a complete monster. The pathetic Thea was locked up deep inside my chest now, and I could barely feel her trying to cut her way out of the darkness that consumed me. I was tired of trying to show others I was worthy of basic decency. They were not going to use me and think I’d be too stupid to notice.
The conversation they whispered amongst themselves was not of interest to me. Nev headed over to the river again with his back towards us. Haden looked at me oddly as he slowly made his way towards me. I watched him like he was prey. He surprised me when he knelt in front of me. Haden glanced over his shoulder to Nev to make sure he was busy. Haden's eyes met mine before frowning.
“What’s wrong, Thea?” he whispered. “Cassius is almost here.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Did you hear me?” Haden whispered. “Nev is expecting the Cerithian Kingdom to come first, but Cassius will be here shortly.”
