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You will not hurt him. He will not hurt you. The past is the past, and you have to stop living in it. Let him in.
Something shifts in Gunner. When both of his hands come to my face, it shocks me, and my brow furrows. He holds me in place, staring into my eyes, looking for something. What? I don’t know. But whatever it is, Gunner pulls away from me before I can say anything else. The abruptness is shocking, and without a word, he turns and stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Damn.
What the actual hell?
Fuck
Four
GUNNER
?
It’s been a few weeks since Savvy and I had our talk. We didn’t get everything out in the open. Hell, she refused to make promises or commit to what we were to each other and our future. Her reluctance to voice what I already knew had me frustrated. When I realized we’d continue to go in circles. And because my need for her became overwhelming. I ached for her and wanted to get her naked and pound her pussy into the bed until she saw shit my way. And that was not what she needed from me at that moment, with my control slipping from being so damn close to her. I had to walk away.
Bellamy was right when she said Savvy’s scared. She fears the past by repeating itself and me turning on her. That’s what has her keeping me at arm's length. That’s what keeps her from accepting me for who I am now. A man who has regretted the past and will do whatever it takes, in the here and now, to fix it. There is no one, and nothing, that will ever get in our way again. That is a damn promise I will die to keep. And the determination burning in my chest to make her understand is why I had to go. I didn’t want to fuck it up, not again. I knew she needed time to accept what I said and how I felt about her. To understand that I’m not giving up. I will fight for her. I knew what I needed to do, and I’m damn sure going to do it because I will not lose Savvy again. I fucking refuse.
Since her return physically, things have been amazing. Having and making love to her is not the problem nor the solution. Her reluctance to want, need, and expect more from me was. Her refusal to entertain more pisses me the fuck off, but I get it. She may not have expectations, but I sure as shit do. I want more and need more from her, and I am damn sure going to get it. What I know is her eyes and body don’t lie. It was her mind that was fighting so ferociously against what will be. That is something I learned when I looked into her eyes. I saw the truth. Savvy still loves me. She wants me and is just afraid. That’s okay. I can work with all of that.
After leaving her standing there, I didn’t see Savvy again for a few weeks. She left to go out on a job, taking Pain, Rocket, and Sin with her. When I found out, I was livid. If it weren’t for Bellamy reassuring me, she would return. I would have said fuck everything else and hunted her ass down. I’m not opposed to dragging her back home, kicking and screaming. Sure, it wouldn’t have been an easy feat being who my Savvy is, but I sure as shit would have done it.
When she finally returned, it was a relief. I wasn’t kidding when I said she wasn’t leaving me, not for good anyway. When she walked through the clubhouse doors, I didn’t miss her eyes skimming past our kids and finding me. Or the relief in them when she saw I didn’t have a club whore hanging off me. Seeing the relief in her eyes was all I needed to know. I don’t think she realized how transparent she was. And I damn sure took advantage. I made my way to her, snatched her little ass up, and without a word, I kissed her senseless. It took a moment to coach a response out of her. But when I did, damn if she didn’t taste like the sweetest nectar I’d ever tasted. Her pillow-soft lips melded with mine as I put every ounce of love and need into the kiss. Wanting her to know precisely who she belonged to and who held her heart. It wasn’t until the world came back into focus that I heard the commotion, catcalling, and cheers.
Pulling away from her and looking into her eyes, I saw every emotion she was trying to hide from me. No matter how hard she tried to hide from me, I always could. I noticed her fear, uneasiness, lust, need, and frustration. Needing her to figure her shit out. Without a word, I released my hold on her and walked away. That kiss said everything I needed to say. I could tell from the kiss, and what I saw in her eyes afterward was that her mind and body were still not in one accord but closer than they had been in the past. And that is unacceptable to me. I need all of her. And I will have all of her.
I chuckle to myself, thinking about how things have been between us. She has been helping Bell and Taz with the twins, and that damn dog is avoiding me like the plague in public. Unlike before, it’s her trying unsuccessfully to get in my pants in private. Ain’t having that, and boy, does it piss her little ass off something fierce. Until she agrees to be mine, she’ll have to be as frustrated as I am.
“Prez?”
My eyes snap up to my club treasurer, Euros. He quirks a brow at me, giving me a knowing look. Lip tilting ever so slightly in amusement. Not for the first time during church, I’m being called out for being unfocused. Everyone at this table is fully aware of why I’m so fucked up and not afraid to give me shit about it. I hear a few chuckles at the table when my eyes narrow on my treasurer, who stares at me with amusement dancing in his eyes.
“Don’t want to keep you from daydreaming about your woman. But seeing how we’re in church, I figured I’d talk about business. But if you…” The laughter in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed.
Euro lifts a brow at me, cutting himself off when he sees the look on my face. The man may seem preppy, clean-cut, and like a regular guy. But he’s far from it. President or not, he is one of the few men at this table that will call me out on my shit. He’s much nicer about it than my VP, who is giving me the what the fuck glare. The fucker wants to get church over with so he can go to his woman and kids. I narrow my eyes on Taz, who narrows his right the fuck back. Fucker.
After the stare-down with my VP, my eyes return to Euros. Who wants to say more smart-ass shit but thinks better of it and smirks at me instead? He knows me well enough to call me on my shit, but also knows when a little light ribbing will set me straight. I can admit right now, with my mind on my woman, he isn’t wrong. I’m fucking up. As I stare into his amused eyes, he lets me know I got one more chance before he gets in my ass.
“Shit,”
Shake my head as I hear a few chuckles and smart-ass remarks about my woman having me by the balls. I ignore it because they aren’t entirely wrong. I allow my brothers to rib me for a few minutes before I slam the gavel down and call the meeting back to order. Knowing it is all in good nature, I don’t get too pissed about it.
I give Euro a nod to continue.
Being the money man. He closely monitors our finances, which have looked questionable at a few of our businesses lately. Euro stares at me, and I can see the humor remaining in his eyes.
“You sure, Prez?” He smirks.
“Fuck you.” Without missing a beat, I let the fuckers know I was listening. “What the fuck's going on with our money? Fifteen grand may not seem like shit, but it can turn into a fucking problem if this keeps up.” I growl out.
Clearing his throat and sitting up in his seat, all amusement leaves Euro’s face. He, along with the brothers, transformed from fuckers who were just giving me shit to council members that live, breathe and bleed LSMC. Each adjusts themselves in their seats, looking deadly and pissed as fuck to find out someone’s stealing from the club.
“Long story short, I don’t want to lose you again, Prez.” He shoots me a smirk. Narrowing my eyes on him, I fight back from snapping at his ass. I fucking get it. Euro must see the look in my eyes because the smirk disappears from his face before he continues to fill us in.
“As I was saying, I found the discrepancy between two of our gas stations. The bank slips didn’t match the books during my monthly checks. Before bringing it to the table, I talked to Miko about what I found. As anal as that fucker is, I know good and damn well he ain’t stealing.” There are a few grunts in agreement.
Miko came up with my boys and the younger generation. He’s a good kid and a great brother. Miko’s Pops Samurai was one of my best friends and a brother in the club before a heart attack took him out about ten years ago. He and his ol’ lady Sara had been together for years before having Miko and his sister Soki later in life. I ensured the club cared for and watched over Sara and the kids when Samurai passed. Miko joined the club after high school, and Soki went to college. So, saying the kid lives and breathes LSMC would be an understatement. Everyone at this table can say without a doubt that he would never dishonor his pops or betray the club by stealing from us.
