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Not tremble before him like a helpless, caged bird. I hated how he made me feel. So...powerless. So weak.
Shaking off Antonio's hands still on my shoulders, I growled out, "I will never be a family with you again." My voice came out a snarl, like a cornered animal. Then I gulped. I'd meant to reassure him. To convince him I had real feelings for him. I needed to do it for Honey. To save her. If I could convince him I wanted us to be a family, he might not kill her.
But I couldn't stop myself now, the words were rushing from me, unbidden. "You always disgusted me." Unstoppable. "I hated every single time you looked at me." I stood up, ignoring Antonio's warning hiss at me, "Every time you touched me, I vomited in my mouth."
"Is that so, Tatiana?" Manuel had stopped before me, and we were staring each other down.
His movements were controlled, precise, as his fingers wrapped around my wrist. My chest was heaving, rage billowing, my face burning with my indignation.
I couldn't stop my mouth from running. "And if you think that I would ever love you, that I would ever be a family with you, then you're even crazier than I--"
I didn't finish my sentence because at the word, 'crazy' he slashed out, his hand moving from my wrist to grip my throat. For the first time tonight, there was an emotion other than amusement in his eyes. Anger.
A lump formed in my throat. I'd made him angry. He was cutting off my air.
"Unfortunately, I thought you might feel that way." He squeezed tight, forcing me back into my seat. Antonio hovered around me, but didn't make any other move. "And that's why I've prepared something special for you."
He held up the needle. My face paled, the blood draining to my feet, and sweat pouring down my side. "No. Please."
"Apparently, it's the only way," he sighed heavily. "I did try."
"I'll do what you want," I said. "I take it all back."
Pulling up a chair, he sat next to me, an almost sad expression on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Except, I don't really believe you." He pinched his lips together. "I had hoped that I wouldn't have to force this. I gave you many years of freedom. I'd hoped that you would appreciate that."
"I d-did."
"Do you remember the first time we met, Tatiana?"
I nodded, the moment seared into my memory. "Yes."
"Good," he said. "I do, too. And from that moment, I knew I had to have you. Except," he sniffled, "You were just a tiny thing. So skinny. Weak. And I couldn't have that. So I did the things I did to make you strong. Resilient. Don't you see? Until you were strong enough to even go after me, your own husband." There was a knowing gleam in his eye. "And the night you tried to kill me, I couldn't have been more proud. I'd made you so powerful. And then, I let you go. Free, to spread your wings. To be the strong eagle that I created, in you." He shook his head, his eyes darkening, "But you disappointed me, Tatiana. Instead of a fierce eagle warrior, you became the small bird once again. You grew weak." Disgust filled his tone, and the chair squeaked on the floor as he pulled his chair even closer to me. I flinched at the movement as he raised his hands towards my arm. "It looks like I'm going to have to start all over."
"No!" I struggled now, fighting to get away, panic climbing up my throat. "No!"
"Hold her down," Manuel commanded, and then it was impossible for me to escape as several pairs of hands grabbed me at once. One of them smashed my head into the table, and I could only blink my eyes, holding back tears as I stared at the cook who'd cleaned up the blood earlier. She pressed against the wall, her expression terrified.
"You'll be happy to know that I've perfected the formula," he said, injecting the needle into a small patch of skin at my shoulder, "Now, I can control any part of your body I wish." A tingling sensation washed down my arm.
The cook bit down on her trembling lip, her eyes still locked on mine.
"Where before, your whole body was crippled, now I can paralyze only the parts I wish, and leave the others." He was injecting me all over my body now, my arms and legs, my stomach. The tingling sensation grew, billowing throughout me. "If I wish."
The cook finally looked away, unable to hold my gaze as Manuel held the needle to my face. He paused, leaning over, his breath pouring over my skin. "This time, I'll let you move your head. I want you to watch as I work. I've got a new design for you, an even better one. I've been practicing my art."
I couldn't stop the agonized groan escaping my throat. "No," I whimpered. "Please."
"What was that?" He bent closer to my mouth.
"Please," I begged, hating the helplessness, the agony, the dread. The sheer terror filling me as a memory came, unbidden.
"Unfortunately, I don't trust you yet, Tatiana." He straightened, laying the needle on the table. Then he snapped his fingers, and one of his guards stepped forward, a tattoo gun in his hands. "Now," Manuel smiled, "If you ever escape again, you won't be able to hide from me this time. Everyone will know that you belong to me."
I was suddenly thrown back in time, the sound of the ocean in my ears.
Even though my body was paralyzed, I could still feel the pain radiating from my collarbone outward, climbing up my neck and pounding into my head.
“I settled on a design, one I think you'll like.” His eyes moved back to my collar, where the tattoo gun in his hand was moving over my skin. He focused on it intently, quiet for a brief moment, the only sound the buzz, buzz, buzzing. I would never forget that sound.
