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It had started out small: he suggested I trade out tacos for fruit and veggies.
I'd thought it sweet. That he cared about my health.
Then it became where I sat at the table, which shoes I wore, how I styled my hair.
Slowly it turned into more and more, and it was after he started dictating every single aspect of my life that I realized it wasn't concern for me at all, but rather, control.
But, by then, I was in too deep.
I couldn't leave the house without permission, and when I did, I had to have his guards with me for my "protection." And, when I tried to leave him, their protection quickly changed to dragging me back to his house and locking me up.
But it didn't stop there.
His control over me grew and grew until I couldn't get up from bed in the morning without his explicit permission.
He dictated every single aspect of my life: which rooms I could go into in the house, how much time I spent outside in the fresh air, if the shutters were open or closed.
I couldn't even look out the window to the sea beyond without asking him first.
And, once I started to rebel, to eat an apple when he'd listed oranges only, when I showed up to the party in the red dress, instead of the black one, small things like that--that's when he began to experiment with different poisons as a way to control me.
And he didn't stop until he found the perfect one--poison from the deathstalker scorpion.
And then, he had complete control over me, whenever he wanted.
"I remember, there was this one night." I'd been talking in the darkness for what seemed like hours, "I'd been married to him for seven months and my whole world was crashing around me. And the whole time, I still hadn't forgotten you.
"I thought you must be out there, enjoying your life, probably in love with someone else. Maybe even married. And she was pregnant with your kid. And you two were so happy.
"And here I was, stuck in Cuba, with no way out, because he'd taken all of the money you'd left me. He kept my passport in a safe, and didn't let me have access to a phone, except to call his number.
"My only connection to the outside world was through him. I was trapped in this world that existed second by second.
"And I counted them all, sometimes. Desperate for something to occupy my mind.
"I would watch the clock, watch the second hand move. They were so minuscule, the movements. And that was what my day was like.
"Watching that fucking clock that I wanted to smash into pieces. But if I broke it, I would get into trouble." I took in a deep breath, feeling lost and lonely and in so much pain as I remembered that time.
"And then, one day, I was on the beach. He'd gone to a party and he knew there would be other women there. Women he wanted to fuck. So he left me at home.
"He'd locked me inside the house but I managed to get out through the window.
"And I knew that I couldn’t get off the property, that he had that tracker installed in my arm and had guards all around the property.
"I couldn't run but I could stare at the night sky.
"So that's what I did.
"I lay on the beach and let the watch inch closer and closer...until it tickled my toes, then my ankles...
"And soon, it was up to my legs and then my chest and my neck."
Knight pulled in a breath, holding it tight, his chest pressing against my back, but he didn't speak, didn't say a word, just let me continue.
"But it wasn't the clock I was staring at anymore.
"I was out in the open and staring up at the sky, wishing that the waves would wash up on the shore and wash not only my body, but my mind, away.
