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"Because, most of the time, it wasn't only my body that was in pain, but my mind.
"I lived in a trap, something that I could never escape, no matter how far I ran, how many drugs I took, I always came back to myself.
"And I just wanted, for that one moment, to silence the thoughts inside my mind.
"And I was closing my eyes, and the waves were getting higher and higher and I was floating as the waves came crashing in and they began to drag me out to sea.
"And, as soon as I began to move, I opened my eyes, ready for the peace that the release would give me.
"And I looked up at the stars and you know what I thought about?"
“What?” Knight's voice was filled with sadness and agony, as if he was going through these memories alongside me.
"I didn't think about how happy I would be to be gone. To never exist anymore. I saw the stars and I thought about you."
"You did?" His fingers around my waist tightened.
I nodded. "I remembered the day we'd met. That was the first time in my life that I grew to know someone my age. And not only were you my age but you were happy. I mean, you actually laughed and spoke to other adults like you were their equal. And they listened to you, like you were someone important.
"And then, you...you looked at me like I was someone important.
"And that night after the hurricane, when the whole world around us was destroyed and the ocean was in the streets and the buildings in the city were gone, you held my hand and promised that you would take care of me. And I believed you, Knight." I wiped a tear away. "I believed you. And I clung to that promise my whole life. Even when you couldn't save me, just knowing that I had you on my side helped me get through the worst times of my life. When that man took my virginity, and when my parents forced me to take heroin, and then, when I was taking it on my own.
"And then, when your family died, I wanted to be there for you. But you pushed me away. You pushed me away and then you ran away, as far and as fast as possible.
"I'm so sorry," he groaned softly, burying his face into my hair, and I could feel the force of his agony bleed into me. "So sorry."
"But that night," I kept going, as if in a trance, "that night when the ocean came in and I wanted to drift away and sink into its depths and never return, I clung on to my life.
“I clung to my life because of you, Knight.
"Because I hated you for leaving me and for not letting me be there for you like you were for me.
"Because you abandoned me and left me to be used and abused by the psychopath that was my husband.
"Because, every single fucking day, I longed to hold you and touch you and see your face again.
"And my hatred for you helped me hang on, but the one thing that really kept me from allowing myself to be dragged out to sea was that I also still loved you, Knight.
"You are my person.
"You're it, Knight.
"The only one for me.
"And that love for you, even though I hadn't seen you in years, came pouring out.
"It filled up my legs and my stomach. And then my chest and arms. Until it moved up my throat and into my face and out my eyes.
"I still loved you, Knight. And that's what gave me the energy to swim back to shore and crawl up the sand and drag myself back through the window.
"That's what gave me the strength to wash myself off so that Manuel wouldn't know that I'd been outside. To clean off the wall and the floor where I'd tracked sand.
"And gave me the strength to suffer through every single minute of his abuse from then on out.
"I clung to my love for you, Knight.
"So, even when you weren't standing there, next to me. You still saved me.
