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To her, the swamps that we both loved, and, to myself.
I had one last thing to confess.
The one thing I’d never told anyone—the poison that seeped through me every night.
“And…” I inhaled another breath, afraid to let it loose. I choked out a half-sob, then sucked it back in.
I could be brave. Just like mom.
I steeled myself, my lips parting, “…I was afraid,” I finally confessed, instantly loosening something inside me, the words rushing out now. “I was afraid of the fire and getting hurt.” A few tears dripped from my eyes, mixing with the weeping from the clouds overhead. “I was too afraid to fight hard enough. I wish I was stronger. Braver. Not afraid of the fire. And it cost you your life.”
The wind grew stronger, so strong I could barely see for the wind whipping my hair. The fog thickened, surrounding me, washing over me.
"Jibber babber, Jibber babber," her voice whipped through my ears, “wept the trees, stark and bare…White, skeletal hands, reaching from their lair…
…they were coming for me.”
Lightning struck overhead, thunder rolling across the sky.
A memory escaping. I gasped.
She’d tried to protect me. That night. She’d known it was Saul. And she woke me, not the crash. Shook me, her trembling voice urging me to run before she passed out.
Oh. God.
The fear she must’ve felt—for me. The child she’d loved.
The pounding inside me swelled, mercy in its wake, the sound of her whispers, “I never…never…blamed you.” I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath, taking it in. A peace washing over me.
She hadn’t blamed me for her death… “Jibber babber, jibber babber.” Sigh. “Jibber babber, eternal bliss.”
It would be okay.
I sat back on my heels, dirty from the soil. …we are but made from dust, and to dust shall we return…
The fog swirled, slowly lifting, until I could once again see the bay. “Protect her,” I pressed the poppet to my lips, whispering my own spell. I imagined my mother out there, her soul being carried to the underworld by the river. “The spirits are watching over you, now.”
She was gone.
Would never return.
And she never blamed me for that night.
I would follow her path and release my guilt.
“Protect Callie,” the faint, final whisper before it was gone, the rain slowing into nothing more but a mist.
I placed the poppet into the ground, gently moving it to face my mom. “Keep her safe.” I placed the dirt over it, covering it carefully, infusing my heart into it. Willing it to watch and protect over mom in ways that I couldn't. “I’m sorry you left us too early. That they took you from me. From Callie. I need you to know I love you. I will never, ever forget you.”
After a long moment, I stood, dirty and wet but knowing one thing:
The only thing that mattered most was protecting Callie now—with, or without, Rook.
I left one last promise before turning away, “I swear I’ll protect the ones I love, just like you.”
* * *
"I need to find Benson," I said, passing by the two men who’d stayed in the pouring rain, waiting for me.
