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I hadn’t wanted to think about that, so I just grabbed the tent and my duffel and went outside to wait for the helicopter.
The pilot—Scott—had been cheerful and unfazed, like he was just always picking up teenagers in the middle of nowhere, late at night. And who knows, maybe he was. If anything had become clear to me in the last half hour, it was that I didn’t know Russell at all. Scott had told us how to duck our heads to avoid the propellers, and once we were on board, had made sure we were buckled in. He explained about the headphones, and that we should be landing in twenty minutes.
Quite an upgrade for someone who couldn’t afford an Uber, Didi had pointed out.
And in regular circumstances, I would have been really excited to ride in a helicopter for the first time. Especially this helicopter—the seats were soft dark-blue leather with a WS monogram stitched into all of them. But I just sat up straight with my legs twined around each other, trying to take up as little space as I could, staring out the window and willing us to land as soon as possible.
I felt someone tap my knee, and looked over to see Russell trying to get my attention, saying something I couldn’t hear.
All at once, I flashed back to the pool, to his hands on my bare skin—my fingers, running over the ridges of his abs—the feel of him pressing against me as we kissed. I felt my face flood with heat, remembering what we’d done, what I’d said.
I’d told him that I was a virgin. I told him I’d been waiting for him. I told him about not getting into anywhere except two schools—I’d even told him about my brisket food poisoning. I’d opened myself up to him, had shown him my whole heart, assuming all the while he was doing the same. Never dreaming that he was hiding things from me, that he had his own agenda.
How could I have been so stupid?
Well…, Didi started.
You weren’t stupid! Katy interrupted. You were just taking a chance.
Russell tapped his headphones again, and I finally turned them on.
“What.”
“Darcy, listen,” he said in a rush. It was disconcerting, to hear him like that, right in my ear. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I know that. I just…”
“Was it all just a game to you?” I wanted to sound tough and cool, but this failed spectacularly, and my voice started to shake three words in. “Were you trying to trick me?”
“No.” Russell closed his eyes for just a moment. “I just wanted to be me for once. Not Wylie Sanders’s kid. Not someone with all that baggage. I’ve never just gotten to be anonymous before tonight.”
“But you weren’t anonymous.” I hugged my arms, because I was cold and because it felt like I was slowly coming apart. “You told me your name was Russell Henrion and that your dad was a structural engineer.”
“It’s a family name,” he said quietly. “And I know I didn’t tell you about my dad, but—”
“But what? That’s not a little detail you forget to mention. It’s not like my dad’s in advertising, and instead, I told you he’s in marketing. What your dad does is a big fucking deal.”
“Yes,” Russell said, pointing at me. “Exactly. That’s just what I’m talking about! The second anyone knows, it changes everything and I hate it. It’s been my whole life, everyone having ideas about who I am before they’ve even met me. I never know how they actually feel about me.” He took a shaky breath. “I mean you had my dad’s face on your sweatshirt. You were telling me what a big fan you are. He’s inescapable. It’s like this shadow I’ve never been able to get out of. And tonight I thought… I guess I just wanted to see if you actually liked me.”
“Well, at some point I think that was clear,” I said. “I was going to sleep with you!”
“Guys, just jumping in here,” Scott the pilot said, sounding uncomfortable. “Wanted to let you know I’m also on this channel and can hear this whole conversation. I’m switching to channel two; we should be landing in ten minutes.”
“Thanks, Scott,” Russell said faintly.
“Thank you,” I echoed, wondering if maybe tonight was some kind of simulation just to see how much mortification one human being could take before they literally exploded or went mad.
“I was going to tell you,” Russell said after a moment.
“When?”
“In the pool, right before the security guard showed up.”
“Oh, that’s very convenient.”
“It’s true!”
“But I can’t believe anything you’re telling me!” I yelled, and I felt tears prick my eyes.
Something in his face crumpled, and he looked out the window. I hated that he still looked so cute, that the sight of his inside-out T-shirt was making my heart hurt. I hated that I’d opened myself up to him, only to be slapped back down again.
