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“It is kind of wild that you’re starting school tomorrow.”
“I know. I’d wanted this weekend to be a distraction from it happening, but this might have been pushing things a little too far.”
“Was… I part of that too?” Russell’s voice was light, like he really didn’t care about the answer, but I could see his hands were gripping the wheel hard. “Just—another distraction?”
It suddenly felt like we were approaching something real—something true. Like we were in a giant game of Operation and nearing the electronic sides, about to hear the beep warning you from getting too close. I thought about just saying no, changing the subject, moving on. But wasn’t this the whole point, being on the road, getting more time together? To actually talk about this stuff?
“So I’m in this film club with Didi and Katy,” I said slowly, realizing this was actually the best way to explain what my headspace had been. “Friday Night Movie Club. We’ve been doing it forever. We rotate our picks, to keep it fair. Katy always picks action movies. Didi picks horror or animated movies. And I always choose—”
“Sci-fi? Experimental Danish dramas?”
“No,” I said with a laugh, lowering my legs and turning to face him a little more, leaning against the car door. I took a breath and made myself say it. “Romance.”
“Oh.” Russell sounded surprised.
“Yeah. And when this weekend started, all I wanted was to pretend my real life wasn’t happening—that everything wasn’t about to change. And then you showed up—the cutest guy in the bus station.”
“I mean, thank you? But it’s not like there was a lot of competition.”
I was about to make a joke about Sunburned Bald Guy, but knew that I had to keep going if I was going to get this out. I took a shaky breath. “Do you remember the first thing you said? You said, ‘I heard you were looking for me.’ ”
“Ah,” Russell said, and I could see him flushing slightly. “I did, didn’t I? Sorry.”
“But the thing is—I was. You had no idea how much. You were what I thought I’d been waiting for. And then you were so great, and everything seemed so perfect…” I shook my head. “It was like I cast you in my head as the lead of a movie I thought I was in.”
“Romantic hero isn’t the worst box to be put in,” Russell said with a ghost of a smile.
“Maybe not. But it’s also not fair to you. And then when things didn’t go the way I expected…”
“You had every right to be upset. I lied to you.”
“And while I was upset about that too—as you might have noticed…”
Russell laughed.
“I think I was mostly angry that all these things I’d believed weren’t real. And then I was mad at myself for putting so much stock in them.”
“We should definitely blame the movies. And the stories.”
“And the songs! We should blame your dad, actually.”
“No arguments here.”
I shook my head. “And it really is a ridiculous concept when you think of it—love at first sight.”
Russell glanced over at me. He started to say something, then hesitated. “You think?”
“I mean, there’s no such thing as friendship as first sight, right? It’s understood that it takes a long time to get to know someone. Hanging out and eating meals and having adventures and talking…”
“And taking road trips?”
I glanced over at Russell and smiled. “Well, exactly.”
We drove in silence for a bit, like we were both thinking over everything we’d just talked about. “So,” I said as we passed a sign that informed us there would be a rest stop in three miles, and then no more services for thirty. “I think I’m done with romantic movies. At least for a while.”
Russell shook his head. “I bet musicals are actually worse, because in a musical, when two people fall in love, they break into song. I mean, talk about setting a high bar.”
“And I guess there aren’t many musicals about relationships that don’t work out.”
