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West jerks his head to look at me and I meet his eyes.
Look at me. One night of crazy sex and all of a sudden I’ve got opinions on everything.
“Look, man, I really do get it,” I say, brazening it out even if I’m being rude. “I’ve been a coward my whole life. Hell, until the last few months I didn’t know what I wanted at all. But come on, West. Life’s too damned short for that.”
West blinks at me a few times, absorbing that. It dawns on me that I sound like a motivational poster, that we barely know each other, and I remember that this man could break me like a twig if he so chose.
I didn’t set out to change my life. Except I sort of did. Because what happens if next time something horrible happens, or some major disaster strikes, and I never get to go outside again? Or visit my family, or see my friends, or travel, or whatever. If it all gets taken away from me one day, I’ll have to live with that. What I finally figured out is that I won’t be able to stand the regret of not going after what I want in life.
I’m not even talking about Callie anymore, though going home with her last night—her and West—definitely qualifies as going for what I want. But it’s everything else, too. Not knowing would hurt a lot worse than any fallout from taking the risk.
And because I refuse to be a hypocrite about this, I resolve on the spot to email my old diving coach. I’ve known for a long time working in customer service wasn’t my dream job, but I never had the drive to go for something more, something better. Being around those kids on Big Truck Day, and spilling my guts to West now, and finally taking Cas’s advice on baby steps… it’s time I did something about it.
West’s coloring has darkened. It’s a long time before he speaks again.
“That’s why you went for it,” he says. “Last night. With Callie.” I nod. “Even with me… intervening.”
“Interfering, more like it,” I gripe. When he glances at me, I grin to let him know I’m teasing.
“So what do you want?” asks West.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he says. West shifts just a little, and he’s closer now. My pulse accelerates and hell if I know why. “What do you want, Raleigh?”
His eyes roam over my face like he’s trying to memorize every detail, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why my heart is pounding in my throat. Maybe that’s just West—that intensity. It was there last night, that’s for sure. I’ll never forget that.
“I want—” My throat is bone dry. I try again. “I want my life to be mine, not a random collection of experiences that could have belonged to anybody. I want to know that I did something every single day that mattered to me. I want to find out what I like, what I hate, what I love. I want to push my own limits, just because I don’t know anymore if I have any.”
It’s a bit much, dumping all this on a new acquaintance. But he asked, and hell, after last night West isn’t exactly a stranger anymore.
Still, I can feel my cheeks heating in embarrassment, both over the brain dump and that this weird conversation has me inexplicably aroused.
West is looking at my mouth now.
“What limits, Raleigh?”
The question sounds loaded, even to my ears.
“Are we talking about limits in general,” he asks, “or are we talking about… something specific?”
He doesn’t say sex, but he’s talking about sex. God help me, I know this is more than just two guys shooting the shit.
The alarm on my phone goes off, clanging like a gong in the quiet of the lobby and making us jump apart. I fumble with the phone, silencing the damn thing and sending an apologetic smile to the girl at the counter when I catch her frowning at me.
“Right,” I say, collecting the coffee cups and shoving to my feet. “Uh, I have to go. Time to go meet my parents.” When West goes wide-eyed, I start to stammer. “I mean, I have to go take this to my parents, not that you—that we—” I close my eyes and hold my breath, hoping embarrassment will be a swift type of death and that I won’t have to suffer through this much longer. West’s quiet chuckle has me breathing again, and I can’t help but laugh with him. A little.
“Will you be at the rehearsal tonight?” I ask. I pretend with all my might that I didn’t just ask him what he’s doing later. Maybe he won’t notice.
West’s lips twitch.
“Not sure yet,” he says. “But if I don’t make it, I’ll find you at the wedding.”
“You’re late,” my mother chides, opening the door when she sees my hands are full.
“But I brought coffee,” I say, bending to kiss her on the cheek.
“Then I suppose you’re forgiven,” she says. She and Dad have one of the smaller rooms just down the hall from my own small guest room, and I thank my lucky stars, not for the first time, that our rooms aren’t next door to each other.
