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“Do you have a problem with West being bi?”
Oh.
I think about West pushing our boundaries. I think about Callie confessing her fear, but facing it head-on anyway. I remember them both confessing their fears about wanting more for all of us, together.
If they can be brave, the least I can do is try.
“No,” I say. “I think I’m bisexual, too.”
I’m looking at the floor when I say it, because let’s be real, I’m not actually brave at all. Right now, I’m terrified I’m about to lose my best friend.
Stomach tight, I glance up from my shoes.
Cas has tears in his eyes. My stomach does a barrel roll.
“Cas,” I say. I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, you jackass,” he says, laughing. “I’m not upset.”
I glare at him.
“I mean, not in a bad way. Moron.” Cas leans over and half tackles me on the couch, hugging me hard.
“Uh, okay.” I pat him on the back, trying not to freak out. He takes a deep breath and pushes away from me.
“Idiot,” he huffs, sitting back on the table. He sniffs a little and I pretend I don’t hear it. “I’m proud of you, is all.”
I blink, not sure I heard him.
“Shut up,” he says, his voice mild and back under control. “It’s a big deal, coming out.”
“I guess it is,” I say. Cas rolls his eyes; like flipping on a light switch, we’re back to normal. Cas laughs. “What?”
“So much for baby steps,” he says, laughing harder, and I laugh too, because he’s got a point.
“For real,” says Cas after we finally get ourselves under control. “How does it work?”
“How does what work?” I’m fighting the urge to fish my phone out of my pocket so I can text Callie to tell her. She’d love this story. West would too, though I think it might hit him a little differently.
“The whole throuple thing,” says Cas, waggling his eyebrows at me.
“You’re asking me about sex? Good grief. It’s a whole day of firsts.”
“I’m curious,” he says. “Sue me.”
“And my relationship is not a—” I break off my fake tirade when something occurs to me. “Hang on. What kind of curious?”
Cas rolls his eyes and pushes up to his feet. “The normal kind,” he says, already tapping at his phone. “Fine, I’ll let it go for now. You want pizza? I’m starving.”
“You just got back from the grocery store,” I point out.
“And hence, too tired to cook.” Cas walks out of the room.
Considering I woke up needy and frustrated, with a major case of insecurity, today turned out to be a pretty damn good day. Emails from the school district confirmed they’d processed my paperwork. I’d start with Coach Zeke—halfway there on the name thing, he says he doesn’t want his colleagues calling him Coach, though; I’ll have to work on that one—right after Christmas, once school gets back in session.
And another former teammate got back to me about her contact at the YMCA. So I’m on my way to paid work as well. Time to put that college degree to work, at least in part. My parents will be glad to hear about that.
I think.
