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Light grew behind my eyelids, and I opened them. A maid held a candle in my face, and Kenrik gripped my shoulders. His pupils swirled with the reflection of light. The brown of his eyes was almost gone in the dim room, but the circles of his pupils were pronounced.
Eyes huge with worry.
“It’s all right. You’re safe. Those men deserved to die. You stopped them. You saved Kelyn’s life.”
“Kelyn? Kelyn!”
“Yes. Do not fret.”
I ripped at the sheet, frustrated my legs were trapped.
“You should stay abed,” Kenrik said. “You need rest.”
“I do not need rest. I need redemption.” I rolled to the other side of the mattress, tumbling off the side and to the floor. As I scuffled with the infernal fabric, Kenrik raced around the bed to me.
I leapt to my feet and ran past him, shoving the door so roughly it slammed against the wall.
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
Steady, Niawen. Seren pushed her calm into me.
It didn’t help.
Kenrik followed, yelling after me. “Where are you going?”
I rounded a corner. Realizing I took an incorrect turn in the maze of palace corridors, I backtracked—
Right into Kenrik’s arms.
“I need air. I need air.” My breaths were too shallow, too rapid.
He eased me against the wall, with his arms caging me.
I pushed at his chest. “Let me go, Kenrik.”
He didn’t budge.
“Please.” Defiant and rigid, I turned away from his intense gaze.
“Look at me, Niawen. Take deep breaths. Here.” He placed my hand on his chest. “Breathe as I do. Steady. Deep. One at a time.”
I stared into his eyes as he stared into mine, not reading into his soul but studying the depth of color in the light of the hall’s sconces. His chest rose up and down beneath my palm. The warmth in his hand lent me strength as it had the day I healed Sorfrona. I paced my breaths with Kenrik’s.
His eyes never left my face. “There. Do you feel levelheaded?”
I shook my head.
“I’ll help you through this.”
My eyes filled with tears. “You can’t possibly know what I’m going through.”
Kenrik spoke with every kindness. “Don’t think that I couldn’t possibly understand you. I do. We all go through similar distress after first taking a life.”
“You’ve taken a life?”
“Yes. I’ve been in minor skirmishes. And regrettably a few men have died at my hands. I was sick. Lost everything in my stomach. It’s not a horror I’ll ever forget.”
“Did they tell you what happened?” I asked. “What I did?”
