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I cocked my head. What exactly was I? A sucker. Completely. I shook my head. What it came down to was that Caedryn and I were just too lonely people whose mutual misery held an allure for each other. “What are we going to do about your nightmares?”
“Nothing can be done. I embrace them.”
“You’re insufferable,” I said.
“I think you keep calling me these hurtful adjectives because you’re hiding how I really make you feel.”
“And how do you make me feel?”
“I’m waiting for you to realize that yourself. But I will say you’d have a hard time living without my charm.”
I scrunched my nose as I stood, placing my hands on my hips, debating, considering a half-baked idea. “I’m sick of traipsing across the citadel to shake you out of your torment.” I was mostly joking.
He conceded to the playful hint in my voice and returned my banter. “The death of a dragon is excruciating. I wouldn’t wish these dreams on anyone.”
I sighed, wishing he wouldn’t joke over the death of Neifion. I reached for his comforter. “Scoot over.”
His face paled. “What? No.”
I lifted the comforter’s edge and shoved him over as I slid under. He rolled, ending with his face buried in a mass of useless, excessive pillows on the far side of the bed.
He pushed up on his elbow as panic edged his features. “I’m not comfortable with this.”
I leaned over him, snatched an extra pillow, and cuddled around it as I settled back on my side of the bed. “Just go to sleep. I’ll be here if you scream again.”
I felt him stare at me until I drifted off. He could stew all he wanted—I was too tired to care.
FORTY-EIGHT
I didn’t shift position all night. I squinted in the dim morning light; Caedryn was breathing softly on his side of the bed, on his stomach, in the position I’d left him. He must have fallen asleep, watching me. I flexed my fingers on the hand dangling over my pillow, the hand lying palm down in the bed’s center, where Caedryn’s hand lay as well—touching mine, pinkie to pinkie!
I froze, mid finger bend, afraid that I’d wake Caedryn. At what point had he reached out and placed his hand beside mine?
Heat swelled up my arm. We were sharing light—in our sleep. My breath quickened; I fought for composure. This was considered a form of intimacy, only because of how we were doing it.
In his bed.
Carefully I retracted my hand, scooched from the covers, and retreated to the door. I had never felt more relieved to tiptoe down the hallway in the early morning hours.
Maybe I should ask Caedryn if I could move my room to the same corridor as his. Being in the guest wing was much too far away when his terrors happened nightly.
Being closer was safer, and less awkward, than waking in his bed.
FORTY-NINE
The air held the crispness after a snowstorm. I headed into the city early, before Caedryn rose, to begin my rounds. I checked on Siwan and her baby. They were doing well. I stopped in on a few people with the sniffles. As I walked through the city, even though life barely stirred, heads poked out doors and beckoned me inside to examine a child with a grating cough or to comfort someone who was listless or had achy bones or to soothe a scratch that had become red and angry. My duties were endless. I didn’t mind. I set regular hours for patients so I wasn’t taken advantage of, tending to emergencies after hours. I didn’t do any drastic healing; I didn’t want to be laid up in bed for more than a day, as I had been with Sorfrona and Kelyn.
A sense of accomplishment filled me. I didn’t expect my calling to be healing, but it was something to do. Mortals were indeed fragile. It still bothered me. I witnessed the passing of an elderly gentleman, who died peacefully in his home surrounded by his family. They called me into their home to help him drift off without discomfort. I sent him a tranquil dream of fishing on the seashore after his family told me that’s all he spoke of in his final days.
By the time I arrived at the citadel for dinner, I had forgotten about Caedryn’s touch. He was at a meeting, I assumed. When I asked Lowri where he was, she said a guard had summoned him. I didn’t seek Caedryn with my light; I was too tired. So I stared out a window, contemplating everything. Loneliness pricked at me, as it did now and then, but after the day’s work, I finally felt the beginnings of the life Caedryn mentioned. That didn’t keep me from thinking about home.
Seren, I’m settling in. How’s Mother?
Your mother’s well. I haven’t seen your father, but word is he wants tightened security at the portal.
I won’t try to reenter.
He doesn’t want anyone to leave. Emrys or dragon.
