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“Your light can. You just have to let it into your mind. I could guide it. I’m not as skilled at healing the mind, but you must let me try. This can’t go on.”
His brows wrinkled. “Niawen, you must understand. The nightmares are embedded in me. My darkness holds on to them.”
“We must get rid of it, then!”
“Niawen.” The rebuke in his voice stabbed at the tense muscles in my back.
It was a dumb exclamation. Darkness wasn’t something that could be stripped away or else I would have done that with my heart’s shroud. “How can we get rid of your darkness?”
“I’m not letting it go. I use my darkness.”
My frustrations erupted in a hiss. “What does the darkness do for you that the light does not?”
“The cloaking. Darkness cloaks light, among other things.” Discomfort lined Caedryn’s face as he spoke, almost as if he regretted his confession. “I didn’t let you perceive my light at first, but I wanted you to come here—to me—in my realm. I studied your glowing flame of light when you were in Talfryn. I told myself you wouldn’t dream of venturing here, not if you knew of my darkness. The night you saw my light blink on was the night I dropped my veil. I allowed you to see it. You drew closer, and for the first time I had hope.”
I sucked in a breath. “You lured me here.”
“Do you hate me for it?”
I dipped the cloth into a bowl of water and wrung it out, taking my time to answer him. “You seem to think I have a tendency to hate things.”
“It’s easy to hate schemers. I find most of my decisions are based on what’s in it for me.”
I huffed. “At least you’re honest about it.”
We studied each other by the orb of light floating above our heads. His angular features hid his inner shortcomings. His eyes pleaded, though he didn’t know it. He craved relief, but he refused to give up his darkness.
In the nights since I had come to him, to sooth him, to pull him from his delirious howling, my mind opened further to the understanding of the darkness as Caedryn explained that a heart-center was a void waiting to be filled.
I knew this. Mine was full of light, as were all emrys’ heart-centers.
But half-emrys were different. Depending on their deeds, good or bad, their voids were filled with either dark energy or light energy. Both swirled within their centers. Both could be harnessed. Caedryn carried these energies and was sensitive to the misery and guilt the darkness caused him, but he wouldn’t share his misdeeds fully with me no matter how much I asked.
At the edge of my thoughts, I judged him. I tried not to because I disliked how I was calculating. Caedryn was part human. And I was behaving like a human, so I really couldn’t judge him. But at times, I wanted to beat my head on the wall in exasperation.
My life as an emrys taught me to peer deep, but Caedryn wouldn’t let me search his soul. I was dying of curiosity, from wanting to know the dark deeds Caedryn had done. I justified my curiosity because I wanted to heal him, so I’d pried into him, even though we were supposed to look only on our outward appearances and expressions. Whenever Caedryn caught me trying to peek, he scolded me.
So I resigned myself to studying his face as he turned his head against his pillow, growing weary with sleep. Caedryn’s straight hair framed his face. Near his forehead, his locks were swamped with sweat. His eyes drooped in the corners, only lifting when he smiled, which he did just as I dabbed his forehead. His lips were thin, but his cheeks were rounded. A small chin didn’t detract from his features. I decided he was handsome in a smug and self-assured, yet, I’m-really-a-sensitive-man sort of way. I could almost forget about his darkness, but he carried the hint of a rogue.
I laughed.
His right eye cracked open. “What’s so funny?”
“You didn’t want me to think you were a rogue.”
“I didn’t, but I knew the truth was unavoidable.”
“A rogue with a conscience.”
“Niawen.” He turned his face away. “Don’t feel sympathy for me.”
“Sympathy? You’re right. Maybe I should hate you for deceiving me.”
That caught his attention, snapping him out of a sleepy stupor. He clutched his stomach as he curled slightly, mocking me. “Ouch. She wounds.”
“You dragged me into this. You contrived this from the beginning. You used your cunning words to seduce me into helping you. I should be furious.”
Caedryn sat up in bed, and his covers slid around his waist, revealing his linen bed shirt. “But you’re not. You’re far from furious.”
