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“I’m sorry, Harlow,” he managed, but his voice was tight with tension. “I shouldn’t have … I think we got caught up in the birthday thing, and…”
“Did we?” I whispered.
He looked away, the muscle in his jaw bunching. “I didn’t have to be so literal. I wasn’t … I wasn’t thinking.”
Slowly, I nodded, even though I could practically feel hairline cracks splintering over the surface of my heart. I didn’t look away from Ian, not until he brought his gaze back in my direction. There was so much in his eyes that my belly quivered. Regret. Heat. And damn him, he still looked like his heart was breaking.
“You’re my best friend,” he whispered, like he was pleading for me to understand something.
Like that was all the explanation necessary for why he needed to say sorry. Why he was standing out of reach. Why he was shutting me, us, out right now.
“And you’re mine,” I whispered back. There wasn’t really anything else to be said. Certainly not now.
It wasn’t time to push, and it wasn’t time to fight. I wanted to end this day well, and even if it held a strong bittersweet feeling, I could still manage that by walking away from this with my dignity intact.
So with a sigh, I bent down to pick up the blanket, then grabbed the plate holding my cake. Even though my ribs creaked dangerously, and a giant wave of terror threatened to eclipse the perfection of what had come before it, I managed a tremulous smile. “Thank you again, Ian. It was … everything I could have wanted and more,” I said honestly.
And before a single tear could fall and give me away, I went inside, leaving him sitting in the quiet, with only the blue velvet sky and the bright diamond stars as company.
Chapter 26
Ian
The entire day was too quiet for the raw chaos erupting in my head. Cameron didn’t need me at the jobsite, so I was at the shop before dawn, working feverishly through a list of things Ivy had requested.
She came in later in the morning, arched one of her perfect eyebrows at the way I hacked at a piece of wood, pursed her lips thoughtfully, and disappeared into the office for about an hour. The hacking wasn’t enough, though. I needed my muscles burning and my blood screaming. Pressure built under my skin, desperately seeking an outlet, and I had to give it one.
My hand gripped the piece of wood until I thought the skin might split over my knuckles, and I whipped it to the side, where it clattered noisily against the wall, knocking over a few pieces with it.
Exiting the office with narrowed eyes, Ivy paused in the doorway and watched me for a few moments.
“What?” I barked.
That eyebrow curved up again like someone dragged it with a hook, and I found myself irrationally angry that I couldn’t get my shit together. My skin threatened to split underneath the screaming thoughts and regrets and … everything I was trying to keep locked down.
“I’d ask if you want to talk about it, but I’m sure I’m the last person you’d ever confide in,” Ivy said smoothly.
My jaw clenched so tight, my molars made a grinding sound. “Nothing to talk about.”
“If you say so.” Her fingers drummed along her biceps where her arms were crossed. “But if I were you, I’d figure out who you can vent to, and quickly.” She tilted her head toward where I’d just thrown the piece of wood. “That helps no one, especially not you.”
My mouth flattened into a grim line, shame crawling up my skin like a thousand little bugs. I didn’t throw anything else,
Poppy came in to do some paperwork, took one look at my face, noted the noise-canceling headphones blasting angry rock over my ears, and wisely didn’t try to talk to me.
I worked through my hunger because I didn’t take the time for breakfast or lunch. Poppy left at some point, and I noticed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrapped tight in Saran Wrap with a smiley face written in Sharpie.
Don’t forget to eat something. You’re a monster when you’re hungry.
Pops
The kind gesture had me pinching my eyes shut after she left, but I didn’t stop to eat. Not yet. It was late afternoon when I finally decided I’d worked through as many of my demons as I could manage within the confines of the shop. But when I got in my truck, Poppy’s sandwich in hand, I sank back against the seat and sighed wearily. I’d hardly slept the night before, tossing and turning as I finally, finally allowed myself to think about what happened.
We kissed.
I kissed her.
I kissed Harlow.
