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“Bella, I think maybe you should stay home today,” he said.
“Do I look that bad?”
He kissed my forehead. “No, of course not. I just don’t want you to be in a place where you feel like you have to conceal your feelings and be productive. Sometimes we need time and space when things like this happen, and that’s perfectly fine. I can even stay home with you if you want me to.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t about to put that on him, especially when he had stuff that he needed to get done.
“No, it’s fine. I think I should be able to handle myself for a few hours.”
He pulled me close to his chest, burying his face in my hair. "All right, but you have to promise to call me if you need anything. I want you to know that I’m here for you, and I’m going to do the best I can in that regard.”
“I will,” I said, though I wondered if I would actually call him if it came down to it or just keep putting it off for fear of bothering him or interrupting something important.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Good.” He kissed the top of my head, squeezing me one more time before releasing me and standing. I missed his warmth the second he was gone and wished that I had the courage to actually ask him to stay home today.
“I’m going to make myself some breakfast, you want any?” he asked. “I could even bring it up here if that’s something that you want.”
“I—” I hesitated. I didn’t want to create any more trouble for him, but I supposed he was already making breakfast anyway. “I’ll come down to get some.”
He smiled. “Good. Your clothes should be here too. Should I grab an outfit for you? Or would you rather stay in your pajamas?”
“I think I’ll just stay in these,” I said, gesturing to his over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants that I had borrowed. “They’re quite comfy.”
“Well, I’m glad of that. Come on down, let’s get you some breakfast.”
I followed him downstairs and then watched from the dining table as he made two plates of pancakes.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat all that,” I said, eyeing them as he brought them over to the table.
“Well, more for me then. You don’t have to feel pressured, just eat as much as you want and then I can have the rest or we can put it away for later,” he said, setting down my plate in front of me. He also grabbed some maple syrup, jam, and butter.
I felt a little overwhelmed by the number of options, but thankful that he was being so thoughtful.
I just put some jam and butter on a few of the pancakes and then picked at them while Lucas ate his.
“Do you want me to put those away for you?” he asked when he had finished, gesturing to my plate that I had barely touched.
“No, I’ll try to eat for a few more minutes,” I said.
"All right, whatever works for you.”
He put his plate in the sink then came over to kiss the top of my head.
“Call me if you need anything. I can always come home early and work from here if need be. Seriously, I care about you.”
I gave him a weak smile. It was all I could manage at the moment as I felt like my heart was about to burst with how sad I felt.
“I’m going now, but I’ll be back soon,” Lucas said, and then he was gone, and I was all alone in that house that now seemed way too large for just me.
With a sigh, I put my food away in the fridge and then headed back up to the bedroom, where I curled up underneath the covers again.
But no matter how much I tossed and turned, I just couldn’t fall back asleep.
There was too much going on in my mind, and definitely too much that I hadn’t even taken the time to process yet. And, more than that, I felt lonely.
