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I was wishing that I’d had good friends in college. I was wishing that I had people other than Lucas that I could reach out to right now with everything that was going on. I was wishing that I had someone to talk to who wasn’t involved in the situation at all.
This longing became so great that I did something completely against my better judgment. I got out my phone and texted Savannah.
In the deepest part of my mind, I knew that she wouldn’t care. I knew that she would brush off everything that had happened. I knew she probably wouldn’t even respond. But at this point I was desperate, and so I sent her a text.
Hey, it’s been a while.
Yes, it has. What’s been going on girl? came her text back after a few minutes. I knew that it was superficial, but the text and its familiarity still brought a hint of a smile to my face.
Actually, a lot. I was wondering if we could talk.
You mean like on the phone? I’m kind of busy right now.
But it’s really important.
Unless it’s ‘you’re getting married and the groom has an eligible millionaire brother/friend’ important I can’t talk on the phone. Isn’t texting fine? Like, come on, way to be clingy.
I flinched, but this didn’t discourage me yet. I still wanted to confide in her. So, I told myself that she was just upset because she was at work or something and so she was being a little rude.
Little did I know.
I guess it’s not that, so texting should be fine. The truth is, I’m pregnant, and I have no one to talk to about it.
You’re what???!! When did this happen?
I took a deep breath. Her response to this next part would tell me if she really cared about me or not, and if she would be at all helpful to confide in in this situation.
So, remember that party?
No, no. You didn’t. Did you seriously not use a condom? Wow, you’re dumber than I thought.
You were the one who got me drunk. Besides, it was my first time. How was I supposed to know that I had to use a condom?
Bitch? Are you trying to blame me for your pregnancy? That’s really low. I’ll forgive you if you take it back right now though.
I’m not trying to blame you. All I’m saying is that you encouraged me. A lot. I just want some sympathy.
Because you made a stupid mistake and now you’re paying the price? Yeah right. Go ask someone else. I’m not interested in your sob story. You always were a weak bitch.
I hadn’t realized that I had started crying until a tear rolled down my cheek and I tasted salt on my lips. Of course, she would make me cry after everything. Of course. What else had I been expecting from her?
I tossed my phone away from me and curled up into a ball under the covers. Yes, Lucas was great, and I was thankful for everything that he had done for me. He was my best friend too. But I also wanted female companionship. I wanted more friends, friends who were just as deep as him.
I wanted more people that I could talk to about what was going on without receiving judgment. I just wanted more people who would support me.
What had I expected though from texting Savannah?
She had never been the one to support me. No, she had always made me feel bad about things, even if I had done nothing wrong, even if whatever problem we were currently dealing with was her fault. She always had to be right and she always had to be the center of attention.
At first, I had been drawn to her because she shone so brightly, and I wanted to do the same. I felt that I could do it at her side, get attention like she did.
And then she drew me into her web of toxicity and closed her hands around me so that there was no escape.
And now I was paying the price.
I tried to push it from my mind. Of course, she would say things like that, that was just the kind of person that she was. But that didn’t reflect on me, or at least it didn’t have to. The things that she had said may have been directed at me but I didn’t have to let them affect me. If I did that then she was winning.
But the more I thought about it, the more truth her words seemed to hold. I had been the one to let them drag me to that party, and I had been the one to accept those drinks, and I had been the one who had wanted to please so badly that I let myself be violated in a way that I would never forget.
