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“All right,” he said, and for a moment I wished that he would have kept trying, that he would have held me to him and demanded that I stay.
But that was a foolish wish, and I needed to get home anyway.
I stood. “Thank you, for everything. I’ll try to do some job searching tonight.”
Lucas stood too, reaching out to grab my arm. The touch sent jolts of electricity through my body and I debated for half a second whether or not to shake him off. That would be the sensible thing to do, wouldn’t it? I had enough problems without adding on the feelings for my best friend.
But I couldn’t do that, not to him. Not after all of the things that he had been doing for me, especially right now.
“Just take care of yourself,” he said. “You know I care deeply about you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
The words sent another pang through me and I nodded. “Of course.”
“Really Bella, I mean it.”
I gave him a smile and he squeezed my arm one more time before letting me go.
“I should probably let you get going, huh?”
“Yeah. My mom’s going to be wondering where I am at this point. I didn’t tell her I was going out.”
“You shouldn’t have to tell her if you’re going out, you’re a grown woman now. You’ve been through college, you’re going to get a job, I mean, Bella, you’re pregnant.”
I flinched at the reminder of the imminent problem that was facing me, and he mumbled a quick apology.
“You know she means best, Lucas. I’m the only family she has left. She just wants to make sure I’m safe.”
“I know, I just think that there are better ways that she could go about it. But, oh well, you’re her child, not mine, and she’s done a fine job raising you so far.”
I giggled. “Oh? You sound a little bit hesitant saying that. Is there anything that you would have done differently than my dear mother?”
He smiled, smoothing back my hair from my face. “I would have encouraged the two of us to hang out more instead of being so damn suspicious of everything.”
“I would like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that you would.” He sighed, then took a step back from me. I suddenly found myself wishing for his closeness again. I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him. It was unbearable.
But I knew better than to take advantage of his concern for me. I was better than that. I had to be better than that.
“You should probably get going back home then, huh?”
I wanted to say no. I had been so sure in my conviction that I had to go a second ago but now all I wanted was to stay here by his side and have him tell me that everything was going to be all right over and over again.
“I guess so.”
“Hey,” he said as he reached out and grabbed my chin, making me look up at him. “Don’t be so sad. I promise that we’ll see each other soon and everything will be all right. Besides, my door is always open to you. You’re welcome to come by anytime that you need to.”
“Thank you,” I smiled up at him. “I really mean it.”
He released my chin and gave me a pat on the back. “I’ll see you soon, Bella. And I promise that we’ll figure everything out.”
* * *
As I returned back home, the drive seemed long and agonizing. I tried to tell myself that everything was all right, but I knew that there was no way that it could be.
Other than the party, I had never lied to my mom before, and this felt like the biggest lie of all. How was I meant to keep telling her that everything was okay, and nothing had happened when clearly something had?
I knew that she would pick up on it. She was smart like that and could always tell when something was wrong with me. And I wasn’t very good at hiding it, or at lying to her. I guessed that I would just have to tell her that everything was fine. She would know I was lying, though. I would just have to hope that she would respect the fact that I didn’t want to tell her what was going on at that moment.
