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I arrived home and parked the car, taking a deep sigh before getting up and heading inside.
Inside, it smelled absolutely amazing. My mom was a wonderful cook, and she always made dinner for the two of us to have together. It was one of the ways that she ensured the two of us stayed close, despite her having to work long hours.
I had tried to make dinner for her or at least help a few times, but she always refused. Despite how much she already did for me, she always seemed to do more.
I often asked her if there was some way I could help her or pay her back, but she always just kissed my forehead and said, “Just be a good child for me and don’t stray too far away.”
And I had always tried, had always done my best, until that one fateful night. And now I feared that it would be my undoing.
My mom was in the kitchen when I entered the house. She was cooking up a very fragrant and spicy curry, just the way the two of us liked it. My mouth watered as I thought of the basmati rice with butter and sauce and all those good spices.
“Mom, I’m home,” I said, setting my bag down by the door and taking off my shoes. She looked up and smiled at me.
“Oh good, I was beginning to think you were going to miss curry night. Where were you, Bernadette?”
My mom used my full name on me whenever she wanted an answer. She knew that I couldn’t help but give her one, but I guessed that was on me.
“I was at Lucas’s,” I said as I sat down, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible. I didn’t want anything in it to give away that something very major had happened, for I knew my mom was sharp and would immediately pick up on it.
Her nose wrinkled up in disgust at the name. “Oh, you were at his place. How is he doing?”
I knew the question was only to be polite, and she really didn’t want to ask it and didn’t care what I answered, but I answered anyway. “It seems he’s doing quite well. His company is going well, and he’s going to try to help me find a job.”
“Oh? Is that so?” She sounded so uninterested I could cringe. “Well, good for him I suppose but you know you don’t need his connections to get you a job. I can help you just fine, if you would just sit down and listen to me when we’re trying to find you one.”
I knew that my mother was frustrated with how unsuccessful our job search had been so far, but she also didn’t understand what I was looking for and often didn’t take into account what I needed. She just wanted me to get a job and didn’t care about what kind it was or if I fit the requirements.
It seemed she didn’t understand that job searching had been a different rodeo in her time, and with me, we had to look for things I was actually qualified for instead of just applying to the whole lot.
“He has some good connections,” I said. “Besides, I’m looking on my own tonight. Didn’t you want me to take more control of this?”
“Of course, I did, I just also want to make sure that you’re going to get an actual legitimate job too.”
My mom had been convinced for the longest time that Lucas’s family dealt in unsavory practices, and here it was, popping up again. Just because someone became suddenly successful didn’t mean that they had gone about it the wrong way.
“I will, I promise. Stop worrying about me so much.”
“Hun, how am I not supposed to worry when you walk in here looking like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Now, are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Or are you going to keep it to yourself?”
When she said things like that I would usually immediately tell her what was going on with me, what I needed, what she could do. But I couldn’t, not right now. Not with how big of a secret this was.
“I’m fine, I really am. Just a little tired, I think.”
She gave me a look that said she saw straight through my lies. “All right, well you know you can talk to me about whatever it is.”
I sighed. “It really is nothing, Mom. I think I’m just tired like I said.”
She put her hands up, but I knew that she still didn’t believe me. “Whatever you say. I’m just here to help, hun.”
All throughout dinner, it felt like the biggest burden that I couldn’t tell her what was really bothering me, what was really going on. I knew that it was going to be a long, long couple of months, and I didn’t know how I was going to get through them.
I especially didn’t know what I was going to do at the end of those couple of months when my belly would be too big to lie to her anymore about what was really going on.
Would I be able to handle the look of betrayal on her face then?
4
Lucas
