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Hard to argue with that, I thought, but I tried to anyway. “We can bring Hayes down,” I said, and it barely registered that I’d used “we” instead of “you.” “We can burn everything he has to the ground—and oust those corrupted people in your government on top of it. We have their names; we have them agreeing to everything he asked of them.”
Zach’s hackles relaxed somewhat. “That’s…that’s true.”
But still, the three men were upset. When Gabe and Zach demanded to see the files for themselves, I pulled them up and moved out of the way. Seeing the evidence in black and white did very little to raise their moods.
“I know this is hard,” I said, using the same tone I used with Elias when he was in need of comfort.
Adrian glanced at me. “We aren’t naive, Nataliya,” he said sharply. “Anyone with power is susceptible to corruption. You don’t need to baby us.”
His words didn’t match the devastation on all of their faces. “I don’t think you’re being naive,” I said, though that was a little bit of a lie. “I just know what it feels like to be disappointed like this.” They were all looking at me now, and it gave me the courage to keep going, to dig for the words that might bring them a little bit of comfort.
“The Republic of Wathaan has a checkered history, as well you know. Corrupt politicians are a way of life. The last president before Elias and I fled was known for cutting the power in places where those who criticized him lived, and no one was brave enough to run against him in elections. He’s finally out of power now, but as far as I can tell, his replacement is no better.” I wanted to reach out to them, the way I would have to Elias, but I kept still, glad they were still listening. “Even with all of that, the people of Wathaan are strong,” I told them. “I’m proud of the people of my country, even if I can’t be proud of the ones who govern it.”
Maybe it came off a little preachy, but all three former SEALs sighed. “It’s not the same thing,” Zach insisted.
That’s bullshit. “Why?” I pressed, anger flaring in my gut. After living in the US for over a year, I had let go of a lot of the stereotypes that I’d heard about Americans growing up…but that didn’t mean some of them weren’t rooted in some kind of truth. “Because the RoW is lesser than your country?”
“I didn’t say that,” Zach said. “Don’t deliberately misinterpret me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t think that I am,” I said. “Almost every country has dealt with corruption among people who are in positions of power. Your country’s history is riddled with it?—”
“Enough,” Adrian barked. There was this wall between me and the men now, invisible but impenetrable. I had been marked as “other,” and for the first time since leaving Elias in Alabama, I didn’t feel like a part of the team. “I get that you’re trying to give us some perspective, but you’re not helping. Just let us be upset, all right?”
It wasn’t “all right,” but what else could I do? “Okay,” I said. “I apologize for trying to help.”
“There’s nothing anyone could say to make us feel better right now,” Gabe said. “We need to be pissed off.”
I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything else. What would be the point? Instead, I went for the sliding glass door that led out to the minuscule balcony that came with the room. I thought, for a second, that Adrian might shriek at me for stepping outside, but he was too busy staring at my laptop like it had personally offended him.
It was cool outside, and I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to shake off the frigid air. I could call Elias back, even if it was a little early, but I didn’t want to throw him off too much today. The call earlier had shaken me up as it was, even if it was for good reason.
I glanced back over my shoulder and sighed, leaning against the balcony’s railing. Thirty minutes ago, I was in Adrian’s arms, wanting nothing more than to touch him, and now I was here, very much alone and nursing bruised feelings. What am I doing?
I kept asking myself that, but I was no closer to an answer. I had never wanted another person the way I wanted Adrian, but what could possibly come of it? I stared, unseeing, at the horizon and tried to imagine what life would be like once this was all over. Elias would need to stay in Birmingham for a few months to finish up his treatment, but if it worked? We could go anywhere. Do anything.
You could have a career with computers again, my mind whispered to me, but I shook that away. When we left the RoW, I gave up any such notion of working in my field. Survival was the most important thing. There was nothing wrong with being a waitress. It was tiring, but I’d enjoyed the work, enjoyed feeling like part of the community. That didn’t stop me from missing the work I used to do, though. But I could get real identification again, I argued with myself. I could be Nataliya Koza once more and actually put my skills to use.
It seemed like a pipe dream, but it was slowly taking root in my chest, the want for more from our lives. If I could get a job in tech, I could make serious money—enough to give Elias a good life, something stable and permanent, so he could make friends.
I couldn’t imagine how Adrian would fit into all of that. Or, rather, we didn’t fit in with his life. He was an FBI agent; this wouldn’t be the last mission he would go on. There would be more, and I didn’t like the kind of worry that would come with waiting for him to come home.
If he even wanted us to be waiting for him to begin with. It wasn’t like we’d talked about any kind of future between us; there was no guarantee that he wanted any more from me than what he’d already had. This isn’t the time to think about this, I told myself. When the mission was over?—
But wasn’t it over? We’d gotten the information we needed. Yes, we had to do something with it, but Hayes was done, one way or another.
I wanted to look back at the men again, but I didn’t. Seeing their stormy expressions wasn’t going to help. If anything, it would only make the churning in my stomach worse.
Adrian
“Let’s eat, huh?” Nataliya jerked and turned around; apparently, she hadn’t heard me open the sliding glass door. “Come on,” I said. “We should eat and talk.”
She looked apprehensive but followed me back into the hotel room. Gabe and Zach had spread out the food they’d brought—more Chinese—and we sat around the small table together. Heating the food up in the microwave made everything mushy, but at the very least, it was warm. Nataliya picked at the beef and broccoli, doing what she could not to wince at the floppy vegetables, and if it weren’t for the weight sitting on my chest, I would find it unbearably cute.
“Hayes is an American citizen,” Gabe said as he shoveled fried rice into his mouth. “What he’s done equates to treason.”
I nodded. “I’ll call my director at the FBI and give him?—”
“Are you out of your mind?”
