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“If you cut the head off a snake, it dies,” I said, forcing myself to be calm. “If we don’t expose what he’s done, he could work the system—find a way to avoid facing consequences. Oh, he’d probably get some punishment, like maybe he’d agree to step down in exchange for not facing jail time—and what would that accomplish? Hayes would be gone, but he’d be fat and happy in retirement, and the company would keep doing exactly what it’s doing.”
“You can’t know that.”
I looked at him, incredulous. “Are you implying Hayes was working totally alone? That he blackmailed members of your Congress and Department of Defense all on his own, without anyone else in the company having a clue what was going on? That the people he sent to attack me had no idea they were doing anything illegal, no people within the company they report to who handle all the ‘off-the-books’ assignments?”
“Of course I don’t think that,” Adrian insisted. “I’m not an idiot.”
“Then stop acting like one!” I cried, wanting to throw my hands up at the whole thing. “I know you feel a certain loyalty to your government, but come on, how can you possibly trust anyone after you read all the evidence? Anyone could be on Hayes’s payroll—and there are plenty of people who will do anything to keep him from getting up on the witness stand and spilling all that he knows.”
Adrian was quiet for a long while. I almost thought he’d finally heard me…but then he sighed and shook his head. “It’s not that you don’t trust the US government to do the right thing,” he said. “You don’t trust me to do the right thing.” He looked at me, and his eyes were hard, like that of a stranger. Even when he was a stranger, he hadn’t looked at me so coldly. “You don’t trust that I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure Ian Hayes gets exactly what’s coming to him.”
He wasn’t getting it at all. “I fully believe you would do everything in your power to get him locked up for the rest of his natural life…but even if you could manage that—which I don’t think is guaranteed—just getting Hayes isn’t enough.”
His eyebrows creased in frustration. I could relate. It was like we were speaking in two different languages and couldn’t come up with a decent way to make the other understand. “Why’d you start this mission?” I asked.
“You know why.”
“Tell me again.”
Adrian ran a hand through his short hair, and a large part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him. But I kept my distance. We had to work this out here and now, and if we couldn’t come to a compromise…then I didn’t know what we were going to do. There was so much more at stake here than just the two of us.
“I wanted to find the one responsible for Cuddy’s death,” he said. “I wanted to bring down the bastard who was responsible.”
I nodded. “And Ian Hayes is definitely a part of that…but it’s not just Hayes. It’s his whole organization—it’s everyone on his payroll who knew about your mission and set you up to get torn to pieces.” I could see my words hit, and he scowled because he knew I was right. “And I know it’s personal for you, but it’s personal for me, too. I want justice for my brother. Anton wasn’t a perfect man, not by half, but he loved me and Elias beyond measure. He died trying to do right by us, and to me, that makes him a good man. I want people to know he was involved in bringing down the Hayes Group. I want people to know that he was a good man beneath all of his bad decisions…but if what I wanted could keep that same organization from being razed to the ground, I’d suck it up and let people continue thinking my brother was a good-for-nothing piece of trash.”
“Are you seriously calling me selfish for wanting to protect fellow servicemen?”
I groaned and contemplated smashing my head into the far wall. We weren’t getting anywhere. “I don’t think this is working,” I said.
He snorted. “No shit.”
“No, I mean—” I swallowed hard. I’d meant us—the two of us. The idea that maybe we could try to be together. But that clearly wasn’t going to happen. And I found I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. Maybe I’d been all alone in even considering it. Maybe Adrian and I had never understood each other at all.
“Never mind,” I said instead.
We stood in silence, just staring at one another, and it seemed as if a gulf had opened between us. We were no closer to a solution on what to do with the evidence we had. “When Gabe and Zach come back, you should call your other teammates. We should all decide together what to do, not just me and you.”
“They’ll side with me,” he said snidely.
I had to hold out hope that there was, at least, a little dissent. Maybe then he’d listen. Until then, I couldn’t look at him anymore. My gut was churning, and if I continued to stare into his face, I was going to either scream or throw up. “Can I step out in the hall?” I asked, voice thick from the tears I was swallowing back. “I need to call Elias, and I want some privacy.”
Adrian gestured to the balcony. “Go out there.”
His words were sharp and cold, and my heart panged. “I want space, Adrian.” He didn’t want to say yes, but I pressed. “I’ll only be in the hall. Gabe and Zach are making their loop, right? There’s no reason it shouldn’t be safe. So far, we’ve been fine.”
“Fine,” he said. “Keep it to ten minutes, and don’t go far. Just because we’ve been lucky doesn’t mean things can’t change in an instant.”
Obviously, I thought but didn’t say aloud. Things were tense enough between us. I didn’t want to give us yet another subject to fight over. I turned and walked out of the room, closing the hotel room door soundly behind me. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. My lungs were tight, and they didn’t want to allow the air in, but I pushed myself to drag in one painful breath after another.
I patted my pocket for the phone, but I didn’t feel it. Damnit. I must have left it on the bedside table, too intent on leaving as quickly as I could to check that I’d gotten what I would need.
I raised my hand to knock and stopped myself. The last person I wanted to see at that moment was the very man on the other side of the door. Adrian could probably use a break from me as well.
Gabe and Zach couldn’t be too far. I could find them and borrow one of their phones. I started off down the hallway in the most logical direction. As I walked, I continued to breathe slowly and deeply. My stomach and chin felt wobbly, as if I could burst into tears at any moment.
Stop being stupid, I told myself. I shouldn’t be so worked up over something I never had to begin with, right? We weren’t even really together. Sleeping together twice did not a relationship make. We hadn’t even discussed the possibility of a real relationship once all of this was over, and I wasn’t sure if one would be feasible. No matter how much chemistry we shared, I needed a partner who was in it for the long haul. I needed someone who could love my son as much as I did.
I wanted that to be Adrian, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I’d gotten mesmerized by his drugging kisses and comforting arms, but at this point, it was time to wake up and face facts.
