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“Now all you have to do is keep making a ton of videos. Oh, and you know, market it,” he says, so dryly I have to laugh.
None of that’s easy. Nothing worth having is. But if I win the contest on Steven’s website, I’ll have a head start on the marketing for Flow and Flex Fitness—a nice cash infusion. Right away, my mind swirls with all the things I need to do. The new video series I need to shoot. The coursework I want to develop for Nova and the Sea Dogs. The classes at Peak Performance in the city. The apartment I need to find. Then Rhys and Hollis and all they have going on. Good thing we set a time limit for this tryst, so I won’t be their distraction.
I have enough distractions of my own. My brain’s a depot, and too many trains are rolling through the station at once.
I try to let them all go as I walk Griffin to the door with my faithful girl trotting by my side. As he hoists his messenger bag onto his shoulder, he glances around the cottage one more time, checking it out. “So you’re really staying here with three guys from the other team?”
A flush rises up my chest. I hope he doesn’t notice. “Yes,” I say in my calmest voice.
“Three guys,” he says, shaking his head. “Must be a zoo. I bet it’s loud.”
I cough. I was the noisy one last night. “So loud,” I say with a laugh.
“Good luck keeping them in line,” he says, then waves goodbye to Donut.
Even after he leaves, my heart is still beating too fast. I shut the door, alone with my thoughts, only this time I’m thinking of the guys.
Last night was wild. Hot. I felt freer than I ever have before. But I’m a practical girl. I’m not a day dreamer. It’d be silly to think I’m suddenly “cured” of my…
Is it sex anxiety?
Yes, I think it must be sex anxiety. I’ve always felt a little tension, a little tightness in my belly before I’m intimate with a guy. I worry if I’ll like it. If I’ll let go. If I’ll feel good. But also if I’ll be any good at receiving pleasure. That’s why I’ve tried so hard to focus on the guy I’m with. To learn how to make sex good for him. In the way I move, the way I use my body, how I use, well, my mouth and my hands. Just like I taught myself yoga, I researched how to make a man happy in bed.
It’s been easier for me that way. But these hockey guys? They want to make me feel like the star of the show, and that’s just uncharted terrain.
Setting a hand on my chest, I take the temperature of how I’m feeling. I still feel anxious tonight, but I feel something else too.
Something entirely new.
Hope.
Dirty, delicious hope.
“C’mon, girl. Let’s get ready,” I say to Donut, and she bounces down the hall with me.
I head to my room and as Donut watches, I change into something cute but casual. A distressed jean skirt and a pink crew-neck cropped sweatshirt. “What do you think?” I ask her.
I don’t love shopping. It’s never been my thing. I’d rather be outdoors. But Ivy picked these clothes for me at one of her favorite thrift shops and said pink was my color. Here’s hoping she was right.
Donut yawns.
“What do you know? You’re naked all the time,” I tell her, then I touch up my makeup and hair and brush my teeth. I showered earlier.
We return to the living room and since the guys aren’t home yet, I jump back onto my phone, texting Ivy. She mentioned she might have a lead on an apartment so I check in with her, and she tells me she thinks she’ll have good news soon. Keep your fingers crossed, she adds.
And my toes, I reply.
Maybe I can let go of that worry for tonight. I try to since that chat with Griffin has me thinking.
Maybe I should move forward on the yoga for better sex idea. I’m not the first instructor to hit on the connection between the two. But I could incorporate yoga and sex into my videos and give it my particular…flare. I jot down some ideas for videos with cheeky titles, starting with Sex is a Plank.
A few minutes later, tires crunch on the gravel driveway. My chest flutters. I might as well jump at the door. Putting down my phone I try to get a grip on my excitement as Hollis and Rhys head up the porch, then step inside the cottage, greeted by my pogo pup.
They say hi to Donut first, which makes my heart feel a little fizzy, then they walk in, with Rhys carrying a bag from a men’s shop.
Oh.
Oh.
