AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There’s a hand poking through the letterbox. Shit, shit, shit. Any moment now June will peer through it and see me on all fours. In a moment of pure panic, I leap to my feet and back myself up against the wall. What am I doing, for goodness sake? Creeping around my parents’ house like a burglar. I press my body hard against the wall, sucking in my stomach as if I’ll somehow melt into the brickwork. The coolness of the wallpaper soothes my flushed cheek. I slowly edge towards the kitchen as if I’m on a tightrope. It’s pretty dark in the corridor, with any luck June won’t spot me.
“Audrey, I can see you.” June’s voice booms through the letterbox. “Open the door,” she says dryly. Oh my God. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I’ve known June since I was six-years-old. SIX. She’s been a good and loyal neighbour to my parents. What on earth was I thinking? How embarrassing. What am I supposed to say to her now? With a thumping heart, I take small steps towards the front door. My eyes sting. I think I’m going to wet myself.
“Just a minute, June,” I croak, waiting for my shallow breathing to return to its symmetry, all the time racking my brains for a good excuse. Then as I roll up my sleeves I catch sight of the cotton wool taped on the inside of my elbow. Result.
A gust of light wind breezes over me as I wrench the door open. June is standing there tapping her foot against the welcome mat, lips twisted into a pout, a large parcel in her arms.
“I saw your car parked outside.” Shit, I forgot about that. Her thin lips wobble. I know I’ve upset her and I feel awful. “And the top window is open.” She gives a quick, sharp nod to the right, almost in disgust. I lick my dry lips as she eyes me suspiciously. She’s had her hair cut and coloured a warm red. It’s short at the back with a high, backcombed white tufted fringe. June’s in her eighties but you’d never think so. She pushes her rectangle shaped spectacles up the bridge of her nose with her finger, and I notice that it’s missing a nail. “The postman left this for you over a week ago. I only wanted to drop it off.”
“Oh June, come in, please.” I step aside as she hands me the parcel sulkily. It’s addressed to Mr and Mrs Byrne and the postmark is Scotland. It’s probably a wedding gift from my uncle Jack. He always sends my Christmas cards here, too, even though I’ve given him my address umpteen times. I crossed him off the list I gave to Louise because he said he couldn’t make it so he probably wasn’t notified that the wedding was off.
“If you’re busy.” June takes a step back, glancing at her red pumps. “I don’t want to intrude.”
“No, really, June, please, I’m sorry. It’s just that…” I swallow hard. “Well, I’m not well, you see.” I point at the cotton wool plastered in the crook of my elbow. June arches a painted eyebrow and moves a little closer to inspect my arm. “Look,” I say helplessly, “I’ve just come back from the hospital. I had all sorts of blood tests done. I’m sure they must’ve taken a pint for samples.” June frowns, her eyes not leaving my arm as she steps into the hall. “When you looked through the letterbox I was just on my way to let you in,” I explain, closing the door behind me, “when suddenly the room started spinning. I had to balance myself against the wall. I thought I was going to faint. Thank God you came when you did,” I gasp.
“Oh, you poor, poor love, vertigo is simply awful.” June folds me in her arms and I let out a sigh of relief. Christ, when did I get so good at lying? “I heard what that swine did to you,” she snarls, releasing me from her tight grip and holding me at arm’s length. “I got a phone call from that snotty- nosed kid you used to knock around with when you were little.”
“Louise,” I remind her with a smile. Poor Loulou, she was always prone to getting colds as a child. “Yes, that’s the one. She said the wedding was off.” She taps at her glasses again and looks at me intently. “That he’d had a change of heart,” she says in a high rhythmical tone. Pushing past me, she heads for the kitchen, all the while slating Nick for leaving me. I don’t like her speaking badly of Nick, not when he’s lying in hospital fighting for his life. Maria told me that negative energy is potent. Her home is stacked with evil eye charms. She even gave me one as a leaving present. A blue glass keyring with an eye in the middle. I’m going to hang it on Nick’s bedstead when I visit him later.
“It wasn’t his entire fault,” I hear myself say, following swiftly behind her.
“What?” June stops mid-track and looks at me, horrified.
“What I mean is…” I roll down my sleeve hurriedly, avoiding her glare.
“My girl, you can’t go round defending a coward like that. You’re too kind for your own good, that’s your trouble, just like my Cindy.” She shakes her head. “But he’ll get his just desserts, you’ll see. What goes around, comes ar…”
“No!” I cut in quickly, wrapping my arms around me. “I don’t want anyone jinxing him.” Oh Jesus, did I just say that out loud?
June unbuttons her red coat slowly as she takes a seat at the kitchen table, eyes not leaving me, painted eyebrows furrowed.
“You still have feelings for him, don’t you?” I turn away and busy myself filling the kettle at the sink.
“Tea or coffee? There’s only dried milk but …”
“Leave that.” Her hand is on my wrist, “Come and sit down here with me.” She pulls out a chair and I do as I’m told. Then before I know it I’m telling her everything, the words spilling from my mouth like an overflowing stream, and she listens in silence, nodding and smiling at the right places, hmming and errring when not so sure.
“But no one understands, June,” I sniff, pulling my sleeve over my hand like an awkward teenager. “They all think that I shouldn’t have anything to do with him, and I know they’ve got a point but if I’d just agreed to postpone our wedding like he wanted, none of this would’ve happened. Because everything is a chain of events, isn’t it? I wouldn’t have gone to Cyprus, he would’ve been at home with me. And…”
“Do you still love him?” June interjects softly, touching my knee.
“No…Yes. I mean no I…” I hold my head in my hands.
“Put it this way.” June lays her hand flat on the table. Her skin is creased and sprinkled with age marks. “If he woke up today and said that he loved you and wanted to try again, would you take him back?” I scan June’s grey eyes silently – because we both know the answer to that question.
* * *
It’s six-thirty in the evening when I pull on the handbrake of my black Golf outside the hospital. I made sure I was a bit late to avoid parking fees. I paid over ten quid this morning, extortionate. Ronan isn’t coming tonight. He’s Skyping Catherine, the kids are missing him. So, it’ll just be me and Nick – just like old times.
I’ll stay a while, I think, as I step into the lift. An hour or so, then I’ll visit again tomorrow morning before I meet up with Louise. I’m going to tell her everything. I’m going to take June’s advice and stop lying to my family and friends, and, most importantly, stop lying to myself. If Nick agrees when he wakes up, I want us to try again.
I glance at my reflection in the lift’s mirror. I made a bit of an effort tonight, put on a bit of mascara, a few strokes of blusher, a splash of lipstick. I’m not quite sure why. It’s not as if Nick will be able to see me or anything. Maybe it had something to do with June asking me if the blood test I had was for anaemia as I saw her out this afternoon. I have let myself go a bit recently, that’s got to change. June’s orders.
The lift doors open with a ping. My feet squeak against the floor, echoing in the foyer as I walk towards the ward. It’s even quieter in here at night. One of the nurses recognises me as I press the buzzer and smiles.
“Mr Byrne is popular tonight,” she says in a Welsh accent.
“Oh?” I say, surprised.
