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“Why are they taking so long?” I can see her heart beating through her patterned gown. She stands up and scans the narrow, long corridor, twisting a pretty silver weave ring around her finger. “They must’ve found something.” Her eyes fill. “It must be bad. Oh God, what’s going to happen to me?”
“Just stay positive, Tina.” I pull her down by the sleeve of her robe, “You heard what the nurse said – most breast lumps are benign and they deal with this kind of stuff every day, so they should know.” I stroke her soft cheek with the back of my fingers as her mobile phone goes off in her bag. She stands up as she reads the message, then rushes to the window, waving frantically. “Who is it?” I ask, peering over her shoulder. The morning has turned grey and dull, despite a promising start.
“Look.” She points down at the street. I can feel the warmth of her cheek, the smell of mango shampoo. “Just there by that blue car.”
I steady myself against the ledge as a sudden wave of vertigo washes over me. “Oh, bloody hell, Tean.” I glance at her quickly. “What the hell is he doing here?” Nick looks frail and slight in his loose clothing. He’s lost weight, looks gaunt, humble. I look away quickly. I can’t do this.
Tina’s phone tinkles with another text. She reads it quickly, a small grin on her lips. “He is quite sweet, isn’t he? He says he just wants to make sure that I’m all right.” Really? Or does he have an ulterior motive? Get to me through Tina, perhaps? He sent me two remorseful texts since I fired off that angry message to him last week; pleading with me to meet him so we can talk, so he can explain. I’ve ignored them all, of course. Louise has suggested I block him, which I will do if he continues to harass me. “I can’t believe how stupid he’s been,” Tina goes on, “You know, with you I mean.” And just at that moment, the phone rings in her hand. “It’s him!” Oh, no. I can’t believe this is happening. “Just a mo.” Tina slips into the corridor with her phone. Within seconds, she’s back at the window – waving.
“Well?” I say, leaning against the pillar, anything to avoid looking at him. The heavy, dark clouds have erupted; streaks of rain like two-inch needles are raging against the pane.
“He said he just wants to hang around until I get my results.” She smiles down at him sadly, face pressed against the window, breath steaming up the glass.
I throw a glance at him over my shoulder. “In the rain? He’ll catch his death, daft man.”
“I know. I didn’t think you’d want him up here.” She pauses. A phone goes off, the sound of a keyboard tap, tap, taps in the distance. “You don’t mind him waiting outside, though, do you? They won’t allow him in the foyer, not without a permit, something to do with security.”
“Well, it doesn’t seem like I’ve got much of a choice, does it?” I stare at my nails.
We’re silent for a few moments, then Tina says, “He is very caring and generous, though, isn’t he?” I sigh loudly. I’d often tease him about being a lightweight whenever he complained about feeling faint after donating blood, and he’s the only person I know who carries a donor card with him at all times. Yes, he is very kind and helpful. It’s one of the attributes I loved about him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he cheated on me. She’s no idea what he’s capable of. The extent of what he’s done. If she knew he had impregnated another woman, she’d be throwing bricks down at him from the window not waving and cooing. She’d be furious. She’d never forgive him. Ever.
“I know about the baby,” she says suddenly.
“What?” My stomach twists. I stare at her in disbelief. She’s got to be kidding me.
“Yeah, sorry, Hun. He told me a couple of days ago.” She pauses, chews her bottom lip as she regards me carefully. “He seems to think that you know about it too.” Damn Ronan. He promised me he wouldn’t say anything. “Why didn’t you tell us, Audrey? We could’ve helped you through this. You must feel terrible.”
I finally find my voice. “Oh, Tina, I don’t know. I just felt so embarrassed, humiliated. I didn’t want anyone to know how stupid I’d been,” I admit. A feeling of relief sluices through me. At least I won’t have to lie to my family and friends anymore. “Please tell me that you’re just as furious as I am.” Silence. “I mean, I know you’ve been friends with him for years, and he’s helped you through this, but surely you can’t accept what he’s done to me?” I look down at Nick. He’s standing at the edge of a café, hands in pockets, rain dripping off his navy PVC hooded raincoat.
“Audrey, I was bloody livid when he left you. But now I’ve had a chance to speak to him…” she falters, “What I mean is, now he’s explained it all makes sense.”
“You can’t be serious.” I rake a hand through my hair. “You do realise that he was shagging another woman behind my back, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course, I do, but he said it was a one-off.” I look at her in horror. Is that supposed to make everything all right, then? “He’s not in love with her, Audrey. They’re not together. He said it happened when…”
But I just talk over her. “Can’t you see he’s just using you to get to me?”
Tina touches my hand and I flinch, her fingers are icy. “Look, why don’t you give him a chance to explain? I think he just wants to apologise.”
“Ease his conscience, you mean?” Silence. I look down at him; he’s now standing under the shop canopy. “It’s too late for apologies, Tina. Anyway, why should I lessen his guilt? I’m not interested. Tell him to just leave me alone and get on with his life with his new girlfriend and baby.”
“But aren’t you just a teensy-weensy bit curious?” She holds her thumb and index finger an inch apart.
“No,” I bark, and Tina jumps. I’ve startled her. “Oh, Tina, I’m sorry.” I run a hand over my face. Poor thing, she doesn’t need all this, today is supposed to be about her. “Look, we’re here for you today, I don’t want to stress you out with my problems.”
“It’s okay,” she sighs, “the distraction is helping. A bit.” She leans into me, arms folded, nudging me lightly with her shoulder. “I told him you’re seeing someone else, anyway.” I’m sure he was delighted. That’s probably what all this is about. He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. “He said he still loves you, Audrey.”
“Love? Ha.”
“I think you two just need to talk. Clear the air.”
I rub my forehead. Tina’s persistence is doing my head in. “Tina, please.” I pause. “Look, I love you dearly, and I know you mean well, but don’t push me on this one, okay?”
She shakes her head in agreement, and we return to our seats leaving Nick in the rain.
“So, how’s it going with Daniel?” Tina asks, the moment we sit down.
“Okay,” I reply, pleased that she finally wants to talk about something else. I tell her that we’ve had a couple of dates since the pizza bar meeting. And that I like him. A lot. “He is a bit full-on, though,” I admit. Tina nods, beckoning me to go on. “I mean, he wants me to meet his daughter.”
