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“Oh, come off it. She’s not exactly childless, is she? She’s already got Jess.”
“That tells you how much she craved that family unit with Gerry, then. Oh, don’t pull that face, you’ve seen how mushy she gets over the twins. I know she appears a bit aloof and independent, but behind the bravado lies quite a sensitive, nurturing woman.”
She’s right. I’m being unfair. Louise has always been maternal. She used to babysit for family and friends when we were at school. She even worked at a local nursery during the holidays. I remember her coming round to see me after work sometimes, full of beans, telling me little anecdotes about the kids and how she couldn’t wait to have several of her own.
“Well, they could’ve just adopted like other normal couples instead of re-mortgaging their house to buy Nick’s kid.”
“He’s Francesca’s child too, Audrey. Gerry’s nephew. There’s a good chance that the child will bear some resemblance to him, that’s probably why Louise did it.”
“Hmm…” I grumble, “not much chance of that, Tommy’s got his dad’s Irish good looks.”
“Anyway.” Vicky elbows me on the arm, “We all have secrets, don’t we?” She’s referring to Ronan, obviously.
“Hmm…” I murmur sulkily, giving her a sideward glance. The warm gush of the approaching train makes me feel a bit giddy and I take a step back.
“You okay, Aud? You look a bit peaky.” She places a hand on my arm, concerned. “Do you want to sit down? We can catch the next train if…”
“No, I’m fine. I’ve been overdoing it lately, that’s all. I just want to get home. I’ve got a long day ahead of me tomorrow.” The doors slide open and we hover like a couple of vultures as passengers take their time getting off, then lunge at a couple of vacant seats as if our lives depended on it.
“I’ve been feeling a bit queasy lately and bloody exhausted,” I say as the train trudges out of the platform. “My boobs are all achy.” I shuffle in my seat, “And I just feel irritable all the time. I’m probably coming down with a virus.”
“Yeah, horrible feeling – I was like that when I was expecting,”
Vicky says matter of factly. We smile at the thought, nodding, and then slowly look at each other – po-faced. “You’re not…?”
My eyes widen. “I can’t be…I…”
“When was the last time you had your period?” A man sitting opposite glances up from his paper and gives us a look as I quickly try to work out when I was last on.
“It’s been…oh…er…oh God, Vicky, I dunno, my period’s been all over the place lately. I’ve never really been regular.”
“Come on, think…a week, a month?”
“Erm…wait, give me a chance…er…one, two,” I mumble under Vicky’s watchful eye. But I can’t concentrate, my mind feels like a knot of cables. “About six or seven weeks or so…I think.” I tap my lips, my hand is shaking.
“You’ve got to do a pregnancy test.” She looks at her watch as the train pulls into Tottenham Court Road. “Shit, we’ve got to change here for the Northern Line. By the time we get home the chemist will be shut.” She bites her bottom lip thoughtfully. “There’s that all night one in Golders Green, though.”
“No,” I say, as we head for the Northern Line. “I haven’t got time. I’ve got to be up at five. I’ll do it when I get back.”
“Okay, a day won’t make any difference. Will you tell Daniel or wait until you do the test, just to be sure?” I throw her a fleeting look. “Oh, God, Aud.” She stops walking, grabs my arm, stilling me too. “Please tell me that you used a condom with Ronan.” I cringe and shake my head, panic escalating through my body by the second. “Oh God.” She holds her head. “So it might be his?”
“Yes,” I hiss. “There’s a bloody good chance, especially as Daniel always uses protection.” She nods, tells me that no birth control is a hundred per cent, so it still might be his. “Oh, fucking hell, Vicky. What am I going to do?” I can’t breathe, the tunnel is closing in on me, I think I’m going to faint. Vicky ushers me to a nearby seat.
“Don’t panic! Deep breaths. Come on, deep breath in, deep breath out, that’s it.”
“Are you all right, love?” asks a kind looking lady in a black woolly hat, long coat and leather gloves.
“Yes, we’re fine.” Vicky smiles up at her. “She’s pregnant.” I give Vicky a daggered look. The lady nods knowingly and smiles before continuing on her journey. “Sorry, that just came out. You won’t see her again anyway. Are you feeling better?” She takes a tissue from her bag and wipes the sweat off my forehead. I nod. “Do you want to tell Ronan?”
“Are you kidding me? He’s only just started seeing Tina again – she’s stuck by me over this business with Nick and Louise, took my side over theirs. It’ll destroy our friendship if I tell her this. Oh, my God, I can’t believe this is happening,” I cry, holding my head in my hands.
“Okay, okay, take it easy, Hun.” Vicky puts her arm around me and stares around the platform searchingly as if we’re a couple of fugitives on the run. “Go to Paris and do the test when you come home. Don’t worry. I’ll help you through this. Whatever the outcome – whatever you decide to do.” I give her a sharp look.
“I can’t keep it, Vicky. No way.”
38
“Bonjour, madam,” says the taxi driver as I climb into the back of his cab. We’ve just got off Eurostar and are heading for Notre Dame. It’s an unusually warm, sunny day for the end of November. I wore my signature beige mac but I’m already starting to feel the heat, which means I’ll have to lug it around over my arm all day. Great.
