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“Not really. It's more just because I want you to come home with me.” A smile tugs the right corner of her lips before her expression settles back into one of pensive contemplation.
I can't really argue with that.
The fact that she wants me to come home with her sparks a surge of emotion in my chest. I’m proud, excited, and want to go with her more than anything. “You don't have to protect me from myself, you know.”
Is she reading my mind now?
“I promise it's not just that I'm in a vulnerable place. I mean, I enjoyed our previous time together.” I can practically hear her blush in the words.
“I don't want to be like him. I don't want to take advantage of you when you’re stressed or afraid.” I wouldn't feel right or good about myself if I did that. As I pull into her parking spot, I kill the engine and turn to face her.
“You're amazing, Clifton,” she whispers, her gaze studying my face as she speaks. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me." Her hand leaves mine to reach out and comb through my hair. I turn my head into her hand and press my lips to the inside of her wrist. Her delicate smile grows with my gesture and my chest swells at her sweet words.
I know we’re playing with fire. I know that this is dangerous, and I know that I go back and forth on whether or not we should continue. There's just so much at stake either direction that we go, and I don’t want the weight of making a decision that could destroy - or enrich - our lives forever.
But when I see the sincerity and warmth in her eyes, I want her even more. She leans close and kisses me gently on the cheek before bringing her lips to my ear. “Come up with me, please.”
There are so many things we need to talk about; us, our relationship, and our future, for starters. But I have a feeling that if I go up to her place, we're not going to be talking.
No, what we’ll do is end up muddying the waters and making this decision even more difficult than it already is. But saying no to her might be the hardest word I’ve ever had to say.
I think she sees the hesitation in my eyes and she smiles, smoothing her hand down her thigh. “I know, all this sneaking around is really tiring. We’re going to have to talk about what we want to do.” Her expression clouds over. “Probably sooner rather than later.”
“I have been trying to puzzle out how to solve all of the problems for a while now. And I had a solution... until Anton wound up in the hospital.” I pat her thigh before pulling my hand away.
“What was your fix?” she asks, staring at me and holding her breath.
I lift both shoulders. “It doesn't matter now - I can’t do what I planned.” I can only hope she understands, and that when we do talk, we can both live with the chosen outcome. Because no matter what we choose, things will never be the same.
Chapter Twenty-four
Emma
The sunshine warms my skin as I walk through the park. I inhale the fresh air, feeling renewed and happy as I walk along the paved path.
As I walk, flashes of mine and Clifton’s date here fill my mind. I think about how he'd never tried pistachio ice cream before, but he'd been open to trying something I loved. Not only that, but he found something new that he loves.
I stop by the same little ice cream cart vendor and get a pistachio cone. The guy smiles as he hands me the treat and I pay, leave a tip, and keep moving. I don't want to be late.
All around me I hear the sounds of children playing, parents talking in low muffled tones, and the occasional bark of laughter someone can't hold back. It’s a beautiful day to be at the park, and I'm glad that we decided to come here.
As I walk, I pass by the weeping willow and feel heat rush to my cheeks as I glance at the ground. We’d kissed there, and I can’t forget how I felt, or how wonderful he’d been. My heart stutters as I think about him, and I admit the truth to myself - he makes me happy.
Even when he’d decided not to come home with me last week, I understood why and wasn’t hurt. The rejection didn’t sting because I knew his reasons - and intentions - were kind and caring. It hadn't even felt like rejection, but a responsible, mature decision decided in both our best interests.
I want to take out my phone and text him, tell him that I missed him or that I'm thinking about him. But I know that right now he's spending time with his dad, and I don't want to put him in an awkward situation. He'd either interrupt his time with Anton to respond and possibly give us away, or he’d feel bad putting me off. I don’t want either of those options, so I’ll wait a bit. His dad deserves all of his attention right now.
I reach the stone bench where Katie and I agreed to meet.
She's already there, waiting for me, her phone in one hand and an ice cream cone in the other. Her childlike love of cotton candy flavored ice cream hasn't dimmed one bit and the pale pink and blue of her treat tells me that’s what she went with this time, too.
She glances up from her phone, and I smile and wave. Without hesitation, she stands up, her pale lavender dress both professional and soft, topped off by a slim golden y necklace that glitters with her movement. She opens her arms and I step into the hug.
“Hi, Katie!” I say, my heart leaping with excitement.
“It’s so good to see you,” she says, pulling back and smoothing a hand over her perfectly beautiful blonde French knot. The color of her dress almost gives her gray eyes a lavender hue, and I know men all around us are staring... even those with wives and kids. Katie has always had that effect. Everywhere we go, she turns heads, male and female alike.
“You look amazing, as always,” I say as we begin our walk along the path. She smiles up at me, her beautiful features betraying her amusement. That might be the most attractive thing about her, that she doesn't realize how pretty she is - but she also doesn't let people compliment her to get their way. Her healthy self-esteem is a life goal for me.
