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My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my purse. I glance down at the thinking of you message with a smile on my face and quickly respond back.
I was going to message you but didn’t want to interrupt.
“Uh-oh, if you're smiling like that, it must be your Prince Charming,” Katie says with more than a hint of humor. I shove my phone back in my purse and lift both shoulders.
“Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.” I love how sweet and flirty he is, and how his messages bring me a burst of energy.
“I love this color on you,” Katie says.
I'm wearing a dress that matches my blue eyes, and my long wavy blonde hair is pulled up severely away from my face. “Thank you,” I say, loving how specific the compliment is. She’s thoughtful, and I love that.
“So how have you been?” I ask. “How is the new position going? Has the shininess worn off?”
She shrugs. “It has and it hasn't. But I want to talk about you and Clifton.” There’s a giddy gleefulness in her voice that has me smiling.
I'm so grateful for our friendship.
“You look so radiant, and I think it's because of Clifton.” She gently digs her elbow into my side as we continue walking through the park, alternating time in the sun and shade as the trees towering overhead sway gently in the wind. I lick my ice cream cone savoring the sweet and nutty flavor as I think about how to respond.
“Maybe,” I say, trying to forget the difficult parts of our relationship. Sometimes life isn't fair. He makes me so happy. But life conspires to keep us apart.
“And is Sterling leaving you alone now?” She glances up at me as we walk.
“Actually, that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about,” I say. “I filed for a protective order against him.” I'm proud of myself for taking that step to protect my own safety.
“Oh, wow! I’m glad you filed.” We walk up to another stone bench - one that overlooks a pretty pond littered with ducks and geese paddling around - and sit down. “He needs to know that you're serious and he can't mess with you anymore.”
That's what any sane person would think. I'm not so sure anymore that Sterling is sane.
I sigh and shake my head. “It's just a piece of paper, Katie. It's not like he's suddenly going to change his behavior or leave me alone.”
“Well, yeah, he's obsessed with you. But now that you've started this process, every time he messes with you, you can file a report and eventually maybe the cops can do something.” She focuses on her cotton candy ice cream for a moment as I stare at the pretty white geese on the pond, wondering why such a beautiful animal chooses violence. I swear all geese are possessed by the devil himself.
Katie puts her arm around me and hugs me. “You deserve better,” she says between licks of her cone. “Like Clifton.”
I can't help but smile at how neatly she’d slipped that in the conversation. At least she's not keeping how she feels about him a secret. I'll always know where she stands in regard to him.
“Thanks.” And this is part of the reason why I love hanging out with her and talking out my life; she has a way of putting things into perspective. “I just don't understand why he won't leave me alone and let me go. We didn't even have that much of a connection.”
But Katie shakes her head like I've got it all wrong. “You didn't feel that much of a connection. He knows he lost something amazing. He lost you and he can't stand it. He tried to play a game with your heart because he couldn't control you the way he wanted and it backfired, and now he doesn't know what to do.” She lets out a tight laugh and I know she’s right. “You beat him at his own manipulative game, and I'm willing to bet that's never happened to him before.”
I shake my head, worried that she's the one who's not understanding. “I was never manipulative with him, just honest and open.”
She pats my back with one hand. “I wasn’t trying to say that you were manipulative, just that you beat him at a game he tried to play.” As she takes my hand and squeezes it, I angle my body toward hers so our legs form an arrow pointing to the evil geese.
“So how are things with you and Clifton? Not the surface answer, a real answer.”
I can’t keep a smile off my face or stop the sigh of relief I feel that we’re done discussing Sterling. I just want to forget he exists forever.
“Things are as good as they can be. It’s complicated; we’re not supposed to see one another, but it’s so hard. I can’t stay away from him, you know?” I feel helpless as I speak. I’ve been puzzling over our situation but can’t seem to find a graceful solution that doesn't end in pain or loss of something important.
I feel warm and fuzzy when thinking of Clifton, but that’s not enough.
“He sounds like a keeper, Em,” Katie says as we finish our cones. “I wouldn't let him get away if I were you.”
That's just it. I want to keep him, but I don't see a graceful way out of our situation no matter how much I think about it, or how much sleep I lose over the less-than-ideal options I see.
I trace my lower lip with my tongue before speaking. “I don't want to let him get away, but it's complicated.”
