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‘I didn’t say there was a parrot, sweetheart,’ I attempt in my most soothing voice as we approach the school gates.
‘YOU DID. YOU LIED.’
This is not how I wanted to turn up to school today, I’ll be honest. Some parents stop and stare, some kindly pretend it’s not happening. Frankie gives me a smile and says: ‘We’ve all been there.’
You know what’s weird? I’d thought we were taking the kids to the park today but I’m not sure everyone else got the same memo. Some of the mums have come dressed for their own particular photoshoot. Celeste, resplendent in Barbour jacket, feathered hat and unsullied Hunter wellies, looks like she’s ready for a Tatler special on equestrian life. Tally has gone full mumfluencer in the wild, opting for bright orange workout leggings and a matching baseball hat, box fresh trainers and sky-blue puffer jacket. Seeing them in all their shiny-haired glory at the school gates makes me feel slightly less confident about my own outfit choice – walking boots, leggings and a khaki jacket – until Tally spots me and claps her hands together.
‘Sophie! Are they cashmere socks?’ Then she rubs her hand on my actual legs. ‘And such soft leggings, too. Tres chic!’
Rendered momentarily speechless by the compliments, I simply nod.
‘Must be Joe’s influence.’ Celeste arches an eyebrow in my direction. ‘He’s always been a good dresser.’
‘Actually,’ I say as politely as possible, ‘I had a clear-out this weekend and found a load of clothes I haven’t worn since I moved. It’s been nice to dig out some old …’ I trail off when it becomes clear that Celeste is not actually interested in my wardrobe chat.
‘You also went on a date this weekend, right?’ Frankie winks at me. I like Frankie, she seems warm and approachable but she also has this no-nonsense air to her. ‘How was it?’
‘Good,’ I say brightly, flashes of Joe and I chuckling together in that pub reminding me that he’s not always a complete peen. Maybe just ninety-nine per cent of the time.
I look round the group to see that the vultures want more.
‘Come on, Sophie! Spill the beans!’ Mel insists.
‘Oh, um. So … Joe and I just met for drinks on Saturday night.’
Tally looks dreadfully disappointed. ‘There must be more to tell! How long’s it been going on? What’s Joe like as a lover?’
‘Tally!’ Celeste protests.
‘We’re all thinking it.’ She shrugs. ‘I bet he’s got an absolutely enormous—’
‘DICK! DICKIE!’ A mum comes running past us, trailing after a small child who looks like he’s made a break for it. ‘Dickie! Come back here please.’
The absolute perfect timing of this has all the mums, me included, in hysterics.
‘She said it,’ Frankie says, wiping tears from her eyes. ‘What are we talking here, Sophie? Girthy?’
‘Girthy?’ I splutter. ‘Um, that’s kind of personal. Let’s just say that it’s early days and we make each other happy.’
Ooh good, I’m going to remember that line for any future probing. Thankfully Joe arrives to spare me any further personal and cringe-worthy questions. He’s carrying a backpack and he reaches an arm around my shoulder to give me the perfect school-gate friendly greeting.
‘Hey.’ He smiles down at me.
‘Morning.’ I beam, mentally high-fiving my new partner in crime. That was ideal. And it looks like the mums agree, given that they’re all now swooning – not just over Joe, like they used to, but over us.
I feel reassured as we walk over to the park. Despite Joe being deliberately obtuse over text, our first drop-off together worked really well, and maybe I didn’t need to be so nervous after all. When I think about it, we have already been putting the hours in. We’ve synced calendars and set up a shared folder for our photos. I’ve got Joe’s key info pretty much locked down and every time I fire him a question on my phone, he’s quick at answering correctly.
What’s my favourite food?
Lasagne for comfort and Japanese if you’re feeling fancy because Japan is your dream holiday destination, esp. in cherry blossom season.
What’s my dream holiday destination?
You said Finland, right?
checked it out btw, it looks stunning
Definitely adding to holiday bucket list
