AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Do you mind me asking how she died?’
‘Hit by a drunk driver,’ he says, eyes cast down.
‘Jesus, I’m so sorry.’
‘Thanks. Me too.’
‘I … I don’t know how you get through something like that.’
‘I’ve seen first-hand how fragile life can be,’ Joe says. ‘It made me vow to make the most of it. And I had our son. I can see so much of Claire in Sidney. The way he cannot stop laughing when he gets the giggles. His absolute delight when he spots any small, fluffy animal. The way he is incredibly particular about what he wears. She’ll always be with us.’
To my horror, my eyes start swimming with tears and I find myself blinking furiously in the hope that Joe doesn’t notice, but it’s too late.
‘I need to lighten the mood,’ he says.
‘No, please,’ I insist. ‘It’s just … so sad.’
Without a word said we both change positions, and sit normally again on the sofa and stay there beside each other silently, me pretending to watch the show while really my heart breaks for Joe and Sid. When an ad break begins I realise I’ve still got tears rolling down my cheeks so I very swiftly make my excuses and head to bed. The last thing Joe needs is to see me getting upset over his pain.
Chapter 12
So this is what the walk of shame feels like when you’re a single mother in her thirties. Not that I approve of the phrase ‘walk of shame’ ofc. What is there to be ashamed of? Every once in a while I like to imagine a different past for myself, one where I didn’t meet Mark and get into the only long-term relationship of my life at aged nineteen. In this alternate reality I’d have spent my university years exploring bodies, dipping in and out of relationships. There’d be walks home after nights out that lasted long into the next day, the scent of someone new still on my skin. There’d be fun and adventure. But you can’t regret the decisions you made in the past, what’s the point? I created a business, I built a career. And I made Lila, who’s skipping ahead of me now with Sid. The other parents at the school gate are openly staring as they watch me turn up with Joe’s child as well as my own, and yesterday’s clothes on.
Frankie is positively jubilant.
‘Sophie,’ she purrs, wide-eyed as she readjusts baby Helen in her sling. ‘Did you and Joe have a little sleepover? I can’t remember the last time I had s. e. x. with my husband. Probably this one’s creation.’ She jiggles the baby up and down. ‘Months and months ago. Gotta say, Sophie, and please don’t be offended, but you are one lucky lady.’
I let out a low rumble of laughter. There’s something about Frankie’s openness I really like.
‘I did stay over, it was such a laugh.’ It suddenly strikes me that Joe and I are meant to be in the first throes of romance. ‘Terribly exciting,’ I add as an afterthought. Terribly exciting? I sound like I’m discussing a new doughnut flavour not gabbing about my steamy love life. Joe’s right, I do need to improve my love language.
‘Tell me more.’ Frankie leans in.
‘What, now?’ I wonder whether school drop-off is the best time to share salacious details of my made-up sex life with a sex-starved mother-of-three.
‘Why not? The kids are all trying to climb the railings over there.’
Frankie’s right.
Okay. Sex life. Let’s see. In the latter years Mark and I tended to schedule sex around our calendars and, if I remember rightly, Thursday and Sunday mornings were the most convenient. Things were perfunctory at best. Well, there’s no way my imaginary new boyfriend and our fictitious sex life are going to be so dull!
‘We’re still in that adventurous phase,’ I say with a wink. Who even am I? ‘Joe’s a very … considerate lover. He’s so thoughtful, he always puts my needs first and he’s big into romance.’ He’s going to kill me if this gets out, I realise with a chuckle. The other mums have huddled around now, hanging on my every word, and I’ve never felt so included. ‘We’re very content,’ I add before I tip over into the downright indecent.
Frankie is trying to fan herself with a packet of wet wipes.
‘Yes, babe,’ Tally cheers. ‘So guys, as you know it’s my birthday in April and I’m renting a little barn by the coast for a weekend. I was wondering if you and Joe fancy coming, Sophie? So far we’ve got Celeste and Douglas, Frankie and Dave, and Olivia and Nish. Mel and Richard are down as maybes depending on whether Mel’s on call that weekend. Grown-ups only, I feel like we all desperately need a break from the kids. What do you think?’
‘Yes,’ I practically shout, delighted with the invite. This is the best drop-off yet. Obviously I’ll need to check babysitting etc but I’m hopeful we can make it work. ‘We’d love that. Thanks!’
‘It’ll be cool to get to know you better.’
That’s it. Surely Lila will always be included from this point on.
‘Mm,’ says Celeste, and I can’t tell if she’s agreeing with Tally or casting aspersions. ‘Now ladies, I’m working all weekend so I’m taking the rest of today off.’
‘From what?’ mutters Tally under her breath.
‘My cuticles are in desperate need of some tlc so I’m planning a spa day. I’ve got ribbon-cutting and meet and greets all weekend,’ Celeste continues. ‘Oscar’s nanny’s doing pick-up tonight. Anyway, this is just a gentle reminder to the Barnaby’s Babes that we have a meeting on Monday, okay? I’ll see you then!’
